Emotional Slavery?

There was a previous article i wrote titled: "Emotionally Abducted" and this is the sequel.

To be free from a negative or toxic relationship is one thing, to be emotionally free is something else. While being physically free, i have found within myself at different times hatred, bitterness, envy, jealousy and more. Presently, I am anxious and somewhat impatient in finding a prudent, virtuous woman who will become my wife. This anxiousness and impatience is like an emotional yeast infection. All this feeds the sinful nature as described in Galatians 5:17-21.

I didn't know what to do with these emotions and received no instructions from others, not even from the church I attended. These emotions were left untreated and I focused on the positive. I buried these negative emotions, only leaving them to blossom in the late spring and early summer of every relationship that followed pollinating them with the toxins of unresolved pain from past relationships.

In Romans 6 it talks about being a slave to sin, no one ever talked to me about being a slave to my emotions and how it shows up as bitterness, hatred, envy, isolation, addiction, sex, insecurity, infidelity and more. It is emotional slavery that makes it possible to easily start a relationship and abandon it when difficulty arises for a fresh start in another relationship. I was an emotional runaway slave only to discover I could never escape myself.

John 8:36 NIV states: "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.". My problem became how to enjoy this freedom. Burying these past pains only created present stress and emotional turmoil in my present relationships. At some point I realized that there was one thing common in all of my relationships - me. That was when I discovered that my relationships will improve only as much as I improve. The next thing I realized is that in order to have a healthier, happier relationship; it must be with someone that shares this same awareness, healing and growth.

Freedom is found in forgiveness; Matthew 6:12 "forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.". When i read 1 John 4:21 "If anyone says, I love God, yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen cannot love God, whom he has not seen." It is a hard lesson to accept that forgiveness is part of love. To love and not forgive is denying myself the fullness of love. I cannot break love into pieces; therefore, to be unforgiving is to be unloving. This wasn't something I wanted to hear, it was needed.

Romans 12:19 NIV states: "Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written, 'It is mine to avenge'; I will repay, says the Lord",. This taught me that my unforgiveness is my attempt at seeking revenge; like the story of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:21-35 This story showed me that my emotional slavery and repeated relationships with emotional turmoil was the result of my unforgiveness.

We have many reason to be angry and have suffered many hurts. The only way for me to receive love, its many attributes and to be free indeed is to embrace all of love. To embrace love means I have to forgive. When I forgive, I am forgiven and am free.

I forgave my dad before he died and we had a good relationship. I forgave and forgive everyone. Just as every coin has two sides, the other side of forgiveness is apologizing; i cannot apologize enough to those I have hurt along the way.

While it isn't always easy to identify what emotion is being experienced, it is known when pain is present. Since i have also experienced divorce, I wrote a book that deals with some of the emotional pain and how to grow and heal from these pains in "Divorcepiration: Inspiration During Emotional Turmoil Volume 1" http://www.lulu.com/shop/cameron-a-bailey-sr/divorcepiration-inspiration....
You can also find some of my posts on "Marriage Matters 2 Me".

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Shalom.