Serious researchers are looking for ways to predict and identify future criminals. Research has shown that criminals serving time for violent acts have already shown violent tendencies in elementary school. By the same token, studies comparing introverts and extroverts have found that such tendencies are already settled in the mother’s womb.
Following in the line of such research, the question therefore is: Can you predict your success or failure with relationships based on your past experiences?
IT IS POSSIBLE TO PREDICT FUTURE BEHAVIORS?
Steven Spielberg’s science-fiction “Minority Report” which is supposed to take place in 2054 is about genetically modified mediums that predict future criminals. It might look far-fetched, but serious researchers are looking for ways to predict and identify future criminals (by searching brain deviations of extremely violent children and psychopaths). Research has shown that criminals serving time for violent acts have already shown violent tendencies in elementary school, as confirmed by their past teachers. By the same token, studies comparing introverts and extroverts have found that such tendencies are already settled in the mother’s womb.
Can you predict your success or failure with relationships based on your past experiences?
Thinking about such scientific research, is it also possible to assume that your success or failure with current or future partners can be predicted based on your previous relationships?
If the answer is YES, it means that the way you react and behave in your current relationship (or will behave in future ones) is likely to be similar to the way you have reacted and behaved in past relationships. Therefore, if you have failed in past relationships, there is no reason to believe you will succeed with your current or future ones – unless you do something differently than what you have been doing until now.
Doing something differently requires that you become aware of what affects your reactions and behaviours and of what you need to change in order to develop a successful relationship.
POSITIVE TRAITS AND A PLEASANT CHILDHOOD ARE NO GUARANTEE FOR SUCCESS WITH RELATIONSHIPS
Many, who possess positive traits, have been grown up in wonderful homes and have good intentions about partners and intimacy still harm and sabotage their relationships.
The reason being that they are unaware of a host of factors that drive them to sabotage their relationships, such as: their fears and needs, perception of reality, unrealistic expectations and fantasies, messages they internalized about partners and intimacy, all of which affect their attitudes, reactions and behaviours and lead them to unconsciously harm the bond.
Since they are unaware they don’t realize how their attitudes, reactions and behaviors harm their relationships, therefore they neither make any attempt to change nor know what and how to.
Consequently, they are likely to continue harming each and every relationship they will try to develop. Therefore, it is possible to predict that their current and future relationships will fail just like past ones.
IS IT REALLY POSSIBLE TO CHANGE?
* Some child psychologists claim that by the time a child has reached the age of 5 he/she is almost “fully developed”; that his/her main characteristics are almost intact by then.
* There are psychologists who claim that a person’s behaviours are related to and affected by innate characteristics the person is born with (for example: introvert or extrovert).
* There are sociologists who claim that the individual is influenced by social conditioning from the home and the environment in which he/she was brought up (such as being submissive, domineering, jealous, needy, and so on).
* Others claim that we are all influenced by both innate characteristics as well as social conditioning.
In spite of all these, many psychologists and sociologists believe that it is possible to change traits and behaviours in adult life. This can be done with the help of positive thinking, cognitive-behavioural therapy and cognitive change.
CAN YOU CHANGE?
A question to ask yourself therefore is: if you have failed in your relationships until now, is it possible for you to make the necessary changes and become empowered to develop and maintain a successful intimacy?
Depending on who you listen to and agree with, you form your own ideas as to whether you believe you can change or not. If you believe you can’t, there is then no reason for you to listen to relationship-advice and dating-tips; to read books and articles about relationships, or to participate in self-growth workshops.
On the other hand, if you wish wholeheartedly to become able to develop a successful intimate relationship and believe you can change whatever needs change in order to do so, you are one step closer to succeeding.
HOW CAN YOU BEGIN TO MAKE POSITIVE CHANGES LEADING YOU TO A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP?
Real change requires that you embark on the road to Self-Awareness and take steps to make the necessary changes. This requires:
* That you have motivation, perseverance and the courage to go through the process of change.
* That you are not ashamed to admit your limitations, difficulties and failures.
* That you are willing to take responsibility for your relationships’ failures (rather than placing the blame on your partners and/or external factors).
* That you realize and understand how you have harmed your relationships until now and learn how to develop and maintain a successful intimacy.
There is a saying “Where There Is A Wish There Is A Way”:
If you are fed up with your failing attempts to develop a satisfying relationship and are wholeheartedly interested to learn how to succeed, embarking on THE ROAD TO SELF-AWARENESS will teach you how.
Doron Gil, Ph.D., a university teacher, workshop leader, counselor and consultant, is an expert on the interplay between Self-Awareness and Relationships. Dr. Gil has taught this subject to thousands of students and trained physicians, managers, school teachers and parents on how to develop Self-Awareness in order to improve their personal and professional relationships.
Dr. Gil has written numerous articles on the subject (http://bit.ly/om4y1k) and is the author of: "The Self-Awareness Guide to a Successful Intimate Relationship: Understanding Why You Fail in Your Relationships Over and Over Again and Learning How to Stop it!" http://amzn.to/eAmMmH.
In his book Dr. Gil shows the many ways by which men and women alike sabotage their relationships, teaches how to become aware to it, make the necessary changes and become empowered to cultivate a successful bond.