I have never been a perfectionist. I drop food on my clothes, leave the house with wet hair, wear makeup only when necessary and buy cheap sunglasses because eventually, I will scratch or break every single pair.
When it comes to mothering, I am also imperfect. I get my children to bed too late at times, forget to make the occasional lunch and when it comes to showers; well, let’s just say that an eight-year-old can go a full week without a shampoo and still be presentable.
Although I am proudly imperfect, I have friends that strive for perfection and often achieve it. While I admire the fact that their children always look great, can play six instruments and are on the local all-star soccer team, I also see the toll that it takes on them to keep it all going. How do they do it and why do they do it? While I give myself ten points for simply getting out of bed on a Saturday in time to get my daughter to an 8 A.M. softball game, these uber parents are kicking themselves because they didn’t bring snacks for the team and Starbucks for the parents.
While I give myself a high five for figuring out how our family can have nothing to do except play on a Saturday afternoon, my dear friends are chastising themselves for not scheduling a piano lesson for their ten year old in-between gymnastics and swimming.
Let’s face it, if the kids are loved and cared for, whether they are raised by an imperfect mom or perfectionist mom, they will probably turn out just fine. Some will have more skills than others, but most of them will be able to go out and create lives that matter to them. I am concerned, however, about the mothers, my friends. What is the experience of life that they are having? Do they get to relax with their children? Are they creating too much worry and anxiety for themselves and for their families?
As with many aspects of life, self-awareness is key. We should ask ourselves; why are we pushing for perfection in this area? What is motivating us? Is it our community, the media, or perhaps the ideas and beliefs that we were raised with that tell us to strive for more and better? Are we trying to create a childhood for our children that we never had? Asking ourselves these questions can sometimes help us to make choices that truly work for us in the moment.
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Coach Me Quick! Tips for Being Successfully and Joyfully Imperfect
1.Try to catch yourself being imperfect and celebrate when you do. Let out a “yippee!” or “atta girl,” and then buy yourself a piece of chocolate as a reward.
2.Ask yourself where you have learned your idea of perfection. Would you like to make any changes to your idea of perfection?
3.Choose a place that you will be imperfect this week and then let it happen without negative self-talk or judgment. Enjoy.
4.Remember, there really is no objective perfection, only your perfection and that is perfect.
Jamee Tenzer is a professional certified life and career coach for working mothers and women in the entertainment industry. She is a published writer and a Facilitator and Trainer for the International Coach Academy.