Elton John sang his famous song, Island Girl, in the 1970s, idolizing the women of sun, sand and surf. But there is another kind of Island Girl. These are women (and men) who share a common and often unspoken challenge: fear of intimacy. People who are afraid to let other people get too close to them often have this deep-seated fear. They protect themselves from emotional hurts by creating an island of safety around themselves. Yet this same island leaves them feeling isolated and lonely.
Here are some of the characteristics of an island girl or boy:
-- Gives in too easily, in order to avoid conflict
-- Asks for nothing, in order to avoid feeling dependent or obligated
-- Blames others, and avoids taking responsibility for own feelings
-- Dislikes being noticed, which they perceive as unwelcome criticism
-- Cautious and a perfectionist, in order to avoid the risk of criticism and blame
Fear of intimacy robs people of living full, satisfying, loving lives. If you think you are a bit of an island person, learning how to live in the present is an antidote. Being present teaches people how to reveal their true thoughts and feelings and feel safe and secure without fear or shame. True intimacy is borne of the capacity to give and receive love, something that happens when all of your body, mind, heart and soul are focused on this present moment.
Fear of intimacy can be overcome with a safer, open method for couples to communicate with each other in order to be truthful AND tolerant of each other's faults and habits. Couples are using the Who's The Driver communication method offered by The Institute For Present Living & Learning. Go to http://www.whosthedriver.com to learn more.
John Kuypers is a couples coach and business leadership expert. He is founder and director of The Institute for Present Living & Learning, a Christian organization dedicated to improving the quality of relationships at home and at work. John teaches the Who’s The Driver? communication program to couples open to faith-based internet training, private coaching and live workshops and events. He is the author of "Whats Important Now: Shedding the Past So You Can Live in the Present" and "The Non-Judgmental Christian: Five Lessons That Will Revolutionize Your Relationships." http://www.presentliving.com and http://www.respectfulmarriage.com