Men and women are different how do they get what they want? by Susan Sheppard

Men are such wonderful creatures and most of the time everyone underappreciates them. Personally, I love men and everything about them. Since my whole theory of relationship is based upon the fact that men and women are different, it seemed time to elaborate on who men are and how did they get that way.

I had daughters, three of them to be exact and my husband was a wrestling coach. So, even though I was raising daughters, there were always males around to observe. Now I have two beautiful grandsons and one tiny granddaughter, Justin who is eight and Zak who is three and little Jordan who is two. The boys are both delightfully male and
even at the tender age of two there are some radical differences in our little girl. What is it that makes the boys male? Of course, there is the obvious, the male appendage which is the physical difference, but what is more noticeable is how they are in the world. Justin is into light saber fighting, baseball,video games, and action movies and even at the age of eight, Victoria Secret catalogues. He says he likes to look at the beautiful girls. Zak is a sword fighter, movie buff, spiderman superfan full of energy from the time he opens his eyes until he just can’t go anymore. He is a daredevil and must be watched every second. Little Jordan is athletic, keeps up with the boys and already has her daddy wrapped around her little finger. She is tough and physical and yet remains feminine.

What is even more significant is the way that the adults in the family treat them.Jordan gets dressed in little dresses and everyone says how pretty she is. Zak and Justin are t-shirt and jeans boys and they are grubby and almost always have skinned knees or bruises. So what?

It's my belief that boys become macho at birth and it is simply reinforced throughout their lives. I read once that every man can tell you the name of the bully who terrorized him about the age of 8. I have tested this theory and haven't yet found a man who can't come up with the name of his own bully. Their way of dealing with these bullies was to develop a mantra that they told themselves that they are tougher, stronger, and meaner than whoever is terrorizing them and they fought back. This is one of the differentiation points between men and women. Girl bullies fight with words. They sabotage and back stab. They whisper to other girls, start rumors and they attack each other's looks and clothes. Boys use their physical prowess to intimidate each other.

Boys play with trucks and guns. Girls play with dolls and tea sets. Stereotypes? Perhaps, but look around and observe how children play. Personally, I think parents stress the differences even more now because they have their own fears about their children developing sexual preferences as adults. Boys are raised to produce results. Girls are raised to receive. We have made some progress about equalizing the sexual stereotypes, but overall, not much.
Instinctively we have millions of years of programming to back up the absolute differences between men and women. I'm suggesting,in terms of relationships only, that we accept these differences and use them to facilitate having our man-woman relationships thrive.

In the last 100 years, technology has exponentially exploded, creating terrible rifts in the balance of man/woman relationships. Women no longer need men to hunt, conquer and fight for them.Technology has evened the score so to speak between men and women.
Make no mistake, men are still physically superior to women and that intimidates women. Women, however, can take care of themselves. This unfortunately creates confusion in both sexes.Women want to be independent and yet instinctively they want men to take care of them. Men instinctively want to protect and take care
of women but now are intimidated by the thought that women want to do it themselves and thus, men don't really know what their role should be. It is more important than ever for women to express their appetite and ask for what they want.

So, who are men? They are these wonderfully creative, industrious, productive, sensitive charming creatures who love to build things,solve problems, satisfy their physical needs, i.e. belch, fart, eat,sleep, climax, and play with gadgets, as well as please the women
they love. What they are not interested in doing is engaging in talk about their relationship, guessing what their woman wants,shopping, or being judged, disapproved of or nagged. They love sex. They love doing it, thinking about it, talking about it, reading about it and they believe that sex is affection.

There are two things that I want to call your attention to in the above statement, being sensitive and pleasing the woman they love. Yes, I believe that men are sensitive, extremely so, to be exact. I think they get their feelings hurt perhaps easier than women do. The difference is they don't show it. They don't cry or even get angry, they just stuff it inside and withdraw to lick their wounds until they scar over and they are ready to go back out and fight the good fight again. I believe that men feel slighted when one of their projects is taken for granted. They feel hurt and doubt their production when they are looked over for promotion. I believe that a woman can devastate them with a look, or an innocent comment like "You did what?" or if she doesn't notice or approve or appreciate his efforts on her behalf. I believe that men are always trying to please women and their biggest dilemma is that they don't have a clue how to please any woman because women think differently than men.

I believe that men appreciate women who tell them what they wantthem to do. I believe that men cherish women who are honest with them and who don't play games. I believe that men are attracted to women who have appetites for pleasure and women who demonstrate their pleasure both verbally and physically. I believe that men think when they are rejected by a woman that the woman doubts their production (money, success, sex as in erections) in some way, whereas a woman would immediately think she is not attractive enough. I believe that a man does not inherently know how to physically please a woman, and that each woman is different, therefore, each woman must teach her man. Finally, I believe that men will do almost anything for sex.

Based on what I believe is true about men, how do men get what they want? If a man wants to be with a specific woman, he must get himself in front of her so that she can notice him. Women notice men because of their presence. Oh, sure looks play a part, but honestly, I believe that a man's energy and performance is what really attracts a woman. The most gorgeous man in the world can be in front of you, but if he is a weasel or a wimp, those looks won't get him what he wants.

A man wants a woman to whom he can surrender. He wants a woman that he can tell the truth to and know that no matter what mistakes he's made or how dumb he's been, that she will approve of him and still believe in him. He wants a woman who turns on because he's in the room. He wants a best friend, a trustworthy partner and a woman who
tells him what she wants and lets him be right when he gets it for her. He wants a woman who is charming to his friends, a great mother to his kids and a slut in the bedroom. He wants a woman he can please and it's only possible to please a woman who knows what she wants and asks for it.

I have this wonderful male client who is looking for a woman to share his life. He is industrious, physically fit, has this profound inherent integrity about his beliefs, he is intelligent and amusing and very sensitive. He's in his 40's, wants to get married and have children. I have told him that there is a woman (actually a lot of women) out in the world who is looking for a nice guy who just wants to be with her. He has fear about meeting new women because of his own perceived ability to produce results as well as fear of rejection.

What bothers me about this situation is that there are millions of women who want a man and millions of men who want a woman and neither of them knows how to go about starting a relationship. I wish all of you would respond and tell me what does it take to get you interested? What does a man or woman have to do to get your attention? How would you like a relationship to start?

It seems to me that relationships can be easy, if both sexes acknowledge and believe in each other, ask for what they want and appreciate what they get. If men surrender to women's power in steering the relationship and women surrender to letting men be men and take care of them. Finally, if both sexes acknowledge that sex plays a great part in true intimacy, that both men and women love sex equally and that neither knows how to please the other until they get honest and tell each other.

There is hope.