Why Your New Year's Resolutions Won't Work

If you're like most people I know, myself included, the start of a new year is pregnant with possibility. You write down your deepest hopes and dreams in little lists, which most often look astonishingly similar to ones from years gone by. No matter what you tried before, certain goals just never made it off the paper and many were forgotten by May. I'm here to tell you you're not alone - the vast majority of people feel exactly the same way - which is why this whole Start-Of-A-New-Year-Goal-Making Enterprise can be just plain frustrating. But I'm going to share with you a few secrets that will make this year different.

First I want you to think of one goal you really want this year. Write it down here: _________________

Then I want you to answer this question: Do you really want to _________________?

Most people look at me like I'm mad and say without hesitation "Of course!". Why else would they bother writing it down, right? Of course, you want to lose weight, get a new job, find romance in your marriage again, really know who you are, and experience joy and happiness in your life each and every day. Of course, you want your life to be better!

But that's the mistake. You assume that because you consciously want it, that all of you wants it. The truth is that 9 times out of 10, especially with those "repeat goals", you don't. Quite simply, you don't really want what you think you want.

This paradox between what we think we want and what we really want exists for everyone and is an inner conflict few people are aware of. So while the conscious, thinking part of us says it would be great to start on that new nutrition plan or hobby this year, our non-conscious levels are secretly disagreeing. This is the major reason why it is so hard to overcome certain tendencies we all have ­ be it avoiding exercise, indulging in one too many chocolate bars, not applying for that new job, or neglecting our closest relationships.

So now that you know you're in good company and why it's so hard to attain those goals, what can you do about it? I use four simple steps:

First, you need to make sure that the goal is in alignment with your core essence. Sometimes we want things because of social or familial programming, even if it isn't who we really are. Examples are a doctor who really wants to be a river guide or an artist who is happiest doing accounting. So ask yourself, what makes you tick? What states of being feed you? If your goal will help the real you grow, then keep it on the list. If not, then graciously let it and all its ties go.

Second, you need to address the paradox. Your non-conscious levels must change from not supporting your goal to supporting it. To do this, your non-conscious levels must shift their orientation. It's like you stuck your finger in a light socket and your hair is sticking up straight all over your head. At the end of each strand of hair is a plug and each of those plugs is plugged into some aspect of not accomplishing your goal. Close your eyes and unplug from all of those until your hair is no longer looking like Medusa. Take a deep breathe and feel the difference. Now take all those plugs and plug them into accomplishing your goal. When you do this you are energetically and neurologically creating new patterns that support your goals on all levels of your being.

Third, you need to come up with a list of action steps that you can do and give them deadlines. If you're looking for a new career, it might include revising your resume, researching job opportunities, and interviewing people who do that kind of work. If it's your relationship, you'll need to set aside time to talk and to play together, in addition to learning new relationship tools. Remember, you can't achieve your goal without doing something about it!

Fourth, you've got to understand the rules of the game (the game being Life) and flow with the journey you're on. The easiest path is to embrace what is while creating what you want, just like Hummingbird did in my previous column. The Universe has a sense of timing and purpose you can't control. Your job is to let the Universe know what you'd like and what you're doing to make it happen, and then let it go.

Using these four steps you can make 2006 the year when your goals step off the paper and into your life. I wish you success and joy along the way!