Dear Dr. Dennis:
I’ve read a number of your articles where you talk about having “game” (the ability to meet women, get numbers, etc.) Unfortunately, I don’t have any! I’m more of a home-type person who wants to get out and do more with life but a lot of times I find it difficult to do. It seems that I’m at war with myself about going out! Half of me says to get out and go do something and the other half just doesn’t want to do anything.
Can you help me to put this war with myself on a permanent truce?
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Hello!
I call this "the problem with inertia". Inertia about is that part of Newton's first law that states:
"A body in motion tends to stay in motion and a body at rest tends to stay at rest."
"Inertia" is that tendency for a body to be at rest or in motion. Yes, I know you didn't write to me for a physics lesson, but it applies pretty well here. Read on, my brother...
Right now, your inertia is to be "at rest". In other words, you're trying to stay right where you are because that's what you've been doing all this time. What you need is just a little push in the right direction. Your own mind is the very push you seek.
In my first book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" I talk about the importance of having clear, written relationship goals. Many people create goals for their lives, but don't bother doing that for their relationships! What a mistake! Where are you going to spend most of your time? Hopefully in a happy, healthy relationship!
Something magical happens when you create the right type of goals and commit them to paper. I’m not going to get into all the science behind this (whew!) but trust me – it exists and it works.
In effect, having these “right goals” will program your mind into action. Being clear on what you want, when you want it and how you’re going to go about getting it is 90% of the battle!
Most people set goals like this: they say, “I want to meet a nice person.”
That, my friend, is not a goal – it’s a dream. When was the last time a dream made you go out and do something positive for your life? Answer: never. That’s not what dreams do! Worse yet, it’s so vague and non-specific that the very first person that walks by becomes the “right one” because everyone is nice! Is that all you want? I hope not – you deserve much, much better than this.
I suggest you create clear, compelling goals. These goals are going to spur you on to action because that’s just how our minds work. You just need to invest a little in getting these goals committed to paper. If you’re not sure exactly how to create these goals, check out the book as it goes into it in great depth along with all the things you need to consider, creating a plan of action, etc.
Use inertia to your advantage by taking small actions first. Don’t let it “…keep you at rest!”
Best regards...
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Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can write to me by going to: http://beingaman.com/ask_question.asp for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's Worldtm" (volumes I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.
Copyright (c) 2006, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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Dr. Neder is known around the world as a tough, but fair relationship expert, dealing with all sorts of dating, sex and relationship issues from a man's perspective. Having written 3 books ("Being a Man in a Woman's World™" series) and is working on others, hundreds of articles, been on hundreds of radio and TV shows, he is funny, direct and intuitive.
Do you have a burning question that needs an answer? Are you a man that wants to better experiences with women, or a woman that wants to better understand men? To learn more, go to http://beingaman.com.