It's all about your love language, Part 4

Anthropologists, it's claimed, are enamored by cultural patterns that tend to pervade societies. Did you know that the receiving and giving of gifts has been a cultural pattern associated with long-term intimate relationships in every society? Love has been accompanied by giving for a long, long time.

When was the last time you gave your partner a token of your appreciation? That token may be the key to recognizing and respecting your partner's love language. And the cost of the token means little, compared to its value.

You have to thinking about someone, to give them a gift. The gift reminds them you were thinking about them, and to give someone the knowledge that they were the subject of your thoughts gives them value. As a visual symbol of love a gift can come in all shapes and sizes. They can be expensive or free. If your partner's primary love language is receiving fits, says Dr. Chapman, "it's one of the easiest love languages to learn."

You can buy a gift, find it, make it. Be a great lover by making a list of all the gifts your partner has expressed excitement about receiving. It doesn't matter if they've already received it from you, another family member or friend. The list is meant to give you an indication of the types of gifts your partner enjoys receiving. Pick a few you feel comfortable with, and give them. Don't wait for an occasion, either. If the receiving of gifts is your partner's primary love language, almost anything you give will be received as an expression of love. (If you partner has been often critical of the gifts you've given him or her, obviously receiving gifts is not his or her primary love language.)

How do you become an effective gift-giver? Learning the language can mean changing your attitude about money. We each have our own perception of the purpose(s) of money. We often express emotion when spending it. Some of us spend more than others and experience a good feeling when we spend it. Others don't.

If you're a saver, by nature, you're emotionally resistant to spending money as an expression of love. You probably don't even like buying things for yourself, even when you need them. But that doesn't make you a miser. You're simply afraid to spend, for one reason or another, when in actuality what you're doing is spending money on your self-worth and emotional security. You can get a lot more self-worth and emotional security, if your partner's primary love language is receiving gifts, by doing for them what you're doing for yourself. Invest in your relationship - it's better than the blue chips.

There's one thing you can gift to a partner that doesn't cost any money - your self. The gift of self, or presence, is a simple matter of being there when your partner needs you. If you withhold the symbol of your presence from a partner whose primary love language is receiving gifts, his or her sense of love in your relationship will be seriously eroded and quite possibly disappear.

If you're the one whose primary love language is receiving gifts, do yourself and your partner a favour - tell him or her. It's your responsibility to tell your partner. They can't read your mind. If it's important to you that s/he goes somewhere with you or does something for you, say it. If that sort of thing is asked of you, do it, even if from your perspective it doesn't seem that important in the grand scheme of things. The spirit of giving is at the heart of love. What was the last gift your gave your partner? How did your spirit feel, even momentarily? That feeling is worth more than a large stock portfolio, and it can be had every day, several times a day, in fact. What a life!