Category: Relationships :: Sexuality
Word Count: 526
Dating Advice: When a Guy Won't Make the First Move
By Terry Hernon MacDonald
What does it mean when the man you're dating won't make the first move?
The easy answer: He's just interested in being a friend. But the easy answer doesn't always equal the truth. Some men, particularly older guys who are divorced or widowed, are squeamish about coming on too strong.
Not every guy wants to come off like a ladies' man. Some men do really do want to get to know a woman before hitting the sack, and they don't want to insult her or scare her off. Many younger guys, believe it or not, want real relationships, too. They put off sex with serious contenders.
(Are you laughing? I know a handsome blond 25-year-old man who women branded 'gay' because he didn't want to sleep with them by the third date. He's since found someone who understands him and is now happily married.)
But if you're spending time with a guy, and he hasn't even kissed you, it can be confusing.
Here's what you can do:
1) Let him know you like him. This means making eye contact, not taking unimportant calls while you're together, and really listening to him. The ability to listen is a most attractive skill. People crave to be listened to! Do not merely nod your head and pretend you're listening; it doesn't work.
2) End the night right. If he gives you a quick peck at the end of the night, look him straight in the eye, smile at him, and give him a peck on his other cheek. (If you're really daring, kiss him quickly on the mouth.)
Look him straight in the eye and smile again. Hop out of his car, into your cab, whatever. Look over your shoulder and smile again. Give him a little wave. Then turn around and do not look back. Leave him wanting more.
3) It's make-it-or-break-it-time. You've put the ball in his court. Let him call you! Do not call him, text him, email him, or send him postcards. Give him a chance to miss you.
If he calls, go out with him. If he doesn't, be thankful you got the message early and move on (and don't dwell on it; rejection happens to the best of us).
If you go out again, and he doesn't take your hand and lean in for a passionate kiss, casually say, "You know I really like you. Just wondering: Are you into me, or would you rather just be friends?"
Then, listen for his answer and take him at his word. If he tells you he's not ready for a relationship, do not psychoanalyze him. Have a nice evening and move on. If he tells you he's gay, move on.
But if he says, "Look, I really like you, too, but I want to take it slow," you may be onto something.
If you think he's worth it, take it slow. See him but never drop your plans to see him. Continue to let him call you. Enjoy life. Keep your options open.
If he's truly the man for you, he will see the light. You'll never have to wonder about how he feels about you ever again.
Terry Hernon MacDonald is the happily married author of "How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams." Sign up for free dating tips at http://www.marrysmart.com . For Dating Advice (Almost) Daily, go to http://www.happygirlmusing.com.
Terry Hernon MacDonald is the happily married author of "How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams." Sign up for free dating tips at http://www.marrysmart.com . For Dating Advice (Almost) Daily, go to http://www.happygirlmusing.com .