Finding Your Perfect Partner

The mistake is to go looking, before cleaning up your own "back yard". The mistake is to seek someone because you're so desperately lonely, and don't feel happy with your own company. You may find a partner using this approach, but it often won't last, and will rarely lead to fulfillment.

There's nothing wrong with this approach, and this newsletter won't stop anyone doing it. BUT - here's the key to entering a great relationship: You want to be having such a great time that the perfect partner notices you and says "Hey - can I play too?".

If you are already happy with your own company, and loving your life, then skip straight to PART II - the action section. If there are some things you're ready to handle in your own life - to prepare a more attractive space for a partner to come into and play - then read on.

Try the following check list (add up your score - 1 for each "true"):

* I have a job I enjoy.
* I am happy with my chosen friends and am well supported.
* I am complete (nothing unresolved or unsaid) with my close family members and friends.
* I do not fret about money. (I have a reserve of cash and/or regularly save a percentage of my income).
* My home and bedroom are places I would feel comfortable inviting someone to spend time in.
* I am happy with my current weight, appearance and the way I dress. * I feel good about the food I eat and my current exercise program. * I enjoy/am comfortable spending time alone.
* I have found things to do alone (other than reading or watching TV) that I enjoy.
* I am comfortable expressing myself.
* My week is fun - I have found things to do that are so much fun that I'm not always looking around to see who I might meet.

You don't need to score 11 to have a great relationship. But if your score is not as high as you would like, why not choose today to turn ONE thing on the above list into "True"? Work on your own, with a friend, or with a coach.

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PART II: Top Ten Practical Actions to Finding a Partner

The following is a brief extract from the full "Finding Mr. Right" program (available at my web site). Make a couple of these true today, then take your time with the rest......

* I have written down the Top None to Five requirements of the partner I am seeking (e.g. kindness, ambition).
* I have written down the Top None to Five requirements of the relationship I am seeking (e.g. honesty, laughter, support, eating ice-cream together). (And are you available for casual dating, casual sex, a "serious" relationship, marriage and kids?)
* I have - in conjunction with friends - come up with a list of at least five places I might meet such a person (e.g. sporting clubs, internet, parties, bars, interest groups)
* I have told at least ten friends the kind of partner and relationship I am seeking, and that I would love to be introduced to potential partners, and invited to a lot of parties!
* I have written down at least three possible dates to invite someone on, each being something I really enjoy (e.g. walk on the beach, poetry reading, rock climbing)
* I ask out at least two people per week (and have found a way that works for me and is not too scary).
* I have interviewed friends concerning how "available" I appear. (Some people think they appear available, but come across as aggressive or snobby.)