Research has revealed that the part of our brain that is stimulated when we are in love is not the emotional centers as once thought, but the part of the brain that controls physical lust. In other words, being in love has everything to do with sex and little to do with love. Emotionally, after the sex, we become attached to the company of the other person and use them for our pleasure. When they are away from us, we become despondent, like any addict that is missing a fix, and can’t wait until we see them again, so that they can stimulate our senses. We see them, touch them, smell them, taste them, think about them, listen to them – all of our senses are involved, and this is happiness.
When the sex cools, as it will (believe it or not) usually beginning in about 2 years and really becoming everyday in seven years, all the pleasure we once derived from the other person begins to change. We don’t hold hands as much now, or talk all night as we once did. In other words, the other person doesn’t stimulate our senses as they once did.
A new romance will certainly revive this sensory excitement, and this is why many couples choose to stray a bit. Then of course, everything crashes, and what was once heaven becomes a horrible hell, as everything is sorted out.
About fifty percent of couples, however, do make it. This is usually because the lust they once felt has turned into respect and admiration, as each has repeatedly given themselves up in many ways, every day, to their partner in a selfless manner. When two are doing this, the partnership becomes very strong. The difference between maturity and stupidity is the reliance on sensual pleasure for happiness and contentment. You can easily spot those who are addicted to their senses. Just look at their lives.
Trust in a partnership is the key. Without trust, everything that we work toward is tainted. Mutual trust is crucial. Trusting each other completely means that every obstacle can be overcome, and each can be secure in their feelings and in their work toward a common goal. Without trust, everything falls apart as each is forced to selfishly fend for him or herself, losing the vulnerability and simplicity of love.
When out in daily life, always think of your partner’s welfare before taking any action. Our thoughts preclude words and our words many times preclude actions. Therefore, be careful of your thoughts. That is your first protection. If this protection fails, then be careful of your words because the complications of a first word will grow like flowering vines in springtime. The last protection is your actions. This is where your karma is made. Be fearful of wrong action for it will haunt you for innumerable lifetimes as well as possibly making this very existence a living hell.
So understand that initial attraction is no more than animal lust, and has nothing to do with what happens in the long run. It’s a crapshoot. If you want to determine how things will be down the line, wisdom must prevail over hormones. Animals can have sex; sex is not rocket science. It’s easy to do. But animals walk away . . . we can’t.
E. Raymond Rock of Fort Myers, Florida is cofounder and principal teacher at the Southwest Florida Insight Center, http://www.SouthwestFloridaInsightCenter.com His twenty-eight years of meditation experience has taken him across four continents, including two stopovers in Thailand where he practiced in the remote northeast forests as an ordained Theravada Buddhist monk. His book, A Year to Enlightenment (Career Press/New Page Books) is now available at major bookstores and online retailers. Visit http://www.AYearToEnlightenment.com