Eons ago when we lived in caves, we would get hungry, and when we got hungry, we would become very unhappy and mad as hell, and we would go out and kill something to eat! Today, if we become unhappy with our situation, whatever it may be, we get mad as hell and change it! So unhappiness has its advantages.
But today in a "Don't worry; be happy!" (Bobby McFerrin) world, if we aren't happy every moment, people think something is wrong with us. "She just doesn't look happy to me, must be something wrong with the poor dear," is a common uttering we hear all too frequently from concerned relatives, and we buy into this whole scenario with awful feelings of guilt when we are not simply ecstatic every moment.
Attempting to be happy all the time, however, causes a lot of stress. Just think of the machinations we go through to be happy: "I will be happy as soon as: (endless list). Even when we become happy, how long do we remain so? After accomplishing something, have we ever been able to say, "There, I will now be happy for the rest of my life!" Maybe we have said it (I did when I got my first bike), but that was a short-lived fairytale, to say the least!
So maybe this happiness thing is blown way out of proportion; maybe un happiness is our normal state of existence. What freedom to announce, "Boy, am I miserable, and I couldn't care less. Ha ha ha! Eat your heart out!" If we ever did make such an announcement, we would no longer worry about being happy, (which probably causes much of our unhappiness anyway)! There is something to be said about relaxing into unhappiness.
But we just can't seem to do that. We can't admit that we are miserable; that would be a defeat, a surrender, and an admittance that we are not intelligent enough to create happiness in our lives. But what if we are Sisphus trying to roll that boulder up an eternal hill? What if happiness is merely a carrot that remains a few inches from our nose, and every time we take a step toward our carrot of happiness, it stubbornly remains only inches from our nose?
Just think of the things we have done to ourselves and others in order to be happy. Some people commit crimes so that they can be happy. But their happiness doesn't last. What courage to be unhappy and not give in to its demands that we change it.
What if? What if by remaining as unhappy as we could, we could find lasting happiness? Is this too far out to even consider?
Twenty Seven Years ago, I made a decision. I decided to leave a very enjoyable lifestyle where I did as I pleased and had every comfort in the world. I was in a secure relationship living in Boulder, Colorado, one of the most gorgeous small towns in America. I was intelligent, young (39 ish), good looking (arguably) and could do whatever I wished to do, accomplish anything that I set my sights on.
But instead of remaining in the beautiful Rocky Mountains, I went to the most poverty stricken area in Thailand, and there I lived in a hut - with no air conditioning! I basically gave up everything. I ate very coarse food, one meal a day, became ill regularly with various and sundry tropical diseases, risked my life daily by walking barefoot amongst the many deadly snakes and creatures of the forest, and underwent the most excruciating internal mental development, where psychologically everything was up for grabs every minute. And I was happy. In the midst of this discomfort and uncertainty, I was happy. Go figure!
There in the jungles of Thailand, I discovered that happiness had nothing to do with what we think will make us happy, On the contrary, the most detestable things, the very things that we run from at all costs are usually the ones that bring us happiness down the road. The terrible illness, the unforeseen tragic accident, these are what transform us, and it's this transformation that makes the difference in our lives; a transformation that rarely comes from a place of comfort and security. It usually comes as a surprise, something out of left field,
Risking our fortune, or our reputation, putting our lives on the line for what we believe in, this is happiness in the guise of unhappiness. Keeping ourselves safe and secure, worrying about ourselves, this is unhappiness disguised as happiness.
So if we are unhappy, and only pretending to be happy, or wishing to be happy, then we are faking ourselves out, and the only way to get real is to discover the happiness of being unhappy, and relaxing into that, instead of fighting it.
Then one day, there might be that "ahah!" moment when the one that is unhappy disappears, and all that is left is happiness, without anyone there.
That's quite an experience. That's what could make the world a better place.
E. Raymond Rock of Fort Myers, Florida is cofounder and principal teacher at the Southwest Florida Insight Center, http://www.SouthwestFloridaInsightCenter.com His twenty-nine years of meditation experience has taken him across four continents, including two stopovers in Thailand where he practiced in the remote northeast forests as an ordained Theravada Buddhist monk. His book, A Year to Enlightenment (Career Press/New Page Books) is now available at major bookstores and online retailers. Visit http://www.AYearToEnlightenment.com