Appreciation, Family, and Duct Tape
First let me extend a very Happy Thanksgiving to You. Thanksgiving is the time of year when you can stop, reflect, and appreciate all you had, have, and what is yet to be.
One of the most powerful emotions is appreciation. It is a gift to the receiver and the sender. And it is an essential aspect of all healthy relationships, whether they are personal or professional.
Let me share a story with you;
I love the holidays! I love to prepare my home, look through cookbooks, and plan a meal from soup to nuts. I enjoy entertaining and sharing joy. One holiday my family was coming, I was so excited. I thought of every single person and what they liked. I thought of food I had tried and wanted to share with them. I went to four different markets, bought a new table cloth and put out quite a spread of food. Everyone started to arrive, within ten minutes of arrival and no sooner did one family member sit down, when he turned to me and said, "You know Shell, you are food addicted." I felt as though I had been hit in the stomach. I turned to him and said, "excuse me, what did you say?" He then turned to his wife, and said "ask her, she agrees with me, we've talked about it," as she looked at me and said, "You are".
All of my efforts to give from my heart were not appreciated and instead judged.
I promptly left the room and convinced myself that I was okay. What just happened had nothing to do with me; it was his bad behavior. I operated for a long time using a strong thought process convincing myself that how other people behave was on them and I was only responsible for my response. I still believe that to be a great coping mechanism, however, when I listened to my heart and feelings, I realized how hurt I was. But I have always been a peace maker; therefore, I stuffed my thoughts and feelings and went on for the good of the day.
How different the day would have been, had this person looked at what I had provided and said, "Wow, look at all this food and your home and thank-you so much for doing all of this."
I have gone on to build a community of friends who call me on the phone spontaneously to express their appreciation of me, for simply being in their lives; in fact many of the recipients of this newsletter express their appreciation often.
In the book, Execution The Discipline of Getting Things Done by Larry Bossidy and Ram Charan, the main theme for success in personal and business relationships is the combination of acknowledgement and appreciation and how they contribute to execution and powerful results.
And so I encourage you to find in your heart the special wonder of each person you are with and to express appreciation for who they are and what they bring.
If you cannot do that, I suggest you at least be sure not to say things that hurt others and in the worst case, if your emotions get hijacked, I suggest you bring duct tape; it now comes in many colors, so you could actually color coordinate it with your outfit. In any case, use it, and keep those lips taped shut.
Founder and Principal Shelly Berman-Rubera is an energetic Leadership Educator, and Speaker who helps people establish skills and commitments necessary to make a difference in their lives, companies and those around them. Drawing on over two decades of experience, she created the 3P Power Program, a series of interactive workshops to help individuals and companies build personal, professional, and physical power(3P)
Shelly’s hallmark is her belief in people. An expert facilitator to a broad range of people, she asks the right questions and creates experiences to increase people’s commitment to developing themselves. Entrepreneurs to executives have benefited from her decisive and creative guidance. Shelly’s excellent speaking abilities, her credibility and motivational techniques have instilled great learning and change. Shelly is “extremely supportive,” they report, and “instinctively attuned and committed to her clients and audiences.”
Shelly is an entrepreneur who has created four companies including: SBR Leadership, Professional Fitness by Shelly, Shelly Berman School of Dance and Understanding Peri-Menopause. A member of Athletes and Executives, American Society for Training and Development, Newton Needham Chamber plus Chair for the Newton-Needham Chamber Women in Networking Committee and Co- Chair for Strictly Networking, In 2006 she was named Ambassador of the year. She has won trophies as a competitive athlete, while being married and raising two children.
She is a Certified Emotional Intelligence Leader, Speaker, Lifestyle Weight Management Consultant and Personal Trainer