Meeting Your Change Muscle

During change, most of us feel weak and incapable. We haven't been told that we can get through things, so we automatically assume that we can't. But I'm here to remind you that you're much stronger than you've ever imagined. You've already been through many more changes than you realize, and you've helped hundreds of people through change just by being a friend You have been exercising your change muscle for your entire life. This muscle has nothing to do with how old, educated, or strong you are; it exists in all of us. The change muscle is you acknowledging your strength -- telling yourself, I know I can get through this.

The change muscle is the part of you that's activated when you have the courage to initiate a change or to get through a change that life throws at you. It's the part of you that says you're going to be OK, you're going to make it through. When you're still standing, still breathing, and still functioning after a change, you've used your change muscle.

Change optimists don't waste time thinking that life is unfair and that there's nothing they can do when changes occur. Instead, they say, Life's given me my fair share of changes, no more or less than my neighbor, and there is always something I can do to help myself. I'm going to participate in my own rescue. As human beings we are born incredibly strong and resilient. Since the beginning of time people have survived wars, natural disasters, famine, and disease. Tapping into this strength means using your change muscle.

Like any muscle, the change muscle is strengthened through consistent use. Every time you are faced with a change and move through it, you are activating this part of yourself. And once activated, the muscle is strengthened for life. You can never lose all that you gained from past changes. And the more you acknowledge and use the muscle, reminding yourself that you have the power to get through anything, the more it's going to serve you. Soon you will become more comfortable with change, accepting that it will inevitably come. And when it does, you won't question your ability to make it through.

When we go through changes -- big or small -- we tend to forget a lot of fundamental truths. We forget how powerful we are; the source of our true self-worth and self-esteem; our strengths, talents, and gifts; our intuition and inner guidance -- even our friends and our faith. When you flex your change muscle, you are tapping into these resources. Remember, a muscle is something that gives you strength. It's the same with the change muscle: it's there to give you strength when you need it most.

How the Change Muscle Works

The Change Muscle Has a Memory

Looking back at how you handled previous changes will help you get through change today. When you were going through a big change -- maybe you lost your job, moved across the country, or ended a relationship -- what did you do to make the transition easier? Did you seek out help from a friend or support group? Did you meditate or pray? Many times people will forget everything they've learned from a change, but it's important to keep track of all that you've gained so it can be applied to the next change you go through. Many of the things you did during a past change can be used to move through changes you're currently experiencing. This is using your change muscle.

By becoming more aware of the changes you've lived through, you will not only recognize all that you've successfully handled but also become more conscious of who you are at your core. And in doing so you will discover what you can fall back on, what has helped in the past. It's not an exact science, but you will come to see that you've been through many changes before and always found the strength and the answers you needed. You may be experiencing brand-new changes, but you're not using brand-new resources.

The Change Muscle is Always There

Your change muscle is always present, but sometimes you need to kick it into gear, reminding yourself of your strength and refusing to be a victim or find excuses. During these moments you may turn to other means of getting through the changes that come your way. You may rely on food, sex, alcohol, or TV. Be sure to take a moment every day to connect with your change muscle, the part of you that is the strongest and has always been there for you. Talk to it, listen to it, and don't forget just how capable you really are.

The Stacking Effect

Your change muscle is with you when you're born, and it never leaves. In fact, it only gets stronger as you move through more and more changes. This is the stacking effect. Every change you've been through, no matter how small and insignificant it may seem, builds on itself and helps prepare you for anything that comes later in life. A lot of people approach change feeling completely unarmed, unprepared, vulnerable, and exposed. But you have the tools to get through this change. You've done it before, and you can do it again. Don't discount the changes you have already lived through. Give yourself the credit you deserve. Success from previous changes and experiences is your ultimate motivator.

Your Change Muscle Is Designed Just for You

Your change muscle is perfect for you. You may look at a friend and think he or she has a better understanding of what to do during change than you do, but the truth is that if you were to compare your "change résumés," you would see that you have gone through many changes that he or she has never experienced and vice versa. Don't waste valuable energy wishing you had what someone else has. You are just as capable and have just as much courage and risk-taking ability as anyone else.

You are a powerful person, and it's time to use your power to go where you want to go. You are born with your own unique guidance system, your own intuition, and your own ability to decide and to think what you want. You have the change muscle that is absolutely right for you.

The above is an excerpt from the book The First 30 Days
by Ariane de Bonvoisin
Published by Harper One; May 2008;$24.95US/$26.95CAN; 978-0-06-147283-1
Copyright © 2008 Ariane de Bonvoisin