*** Walking to Forgive

One of the reasons why I think people are reluctant to go through a process of forgiveness is because they just don’t want to revisit the pain. Let sleeping dogs lie! Why dig up the past? Just forget it! Who needs it, for God’s sake?

But research is showing that this strategy ...One of the reasons why I think people are reluctant to go through a process of forgiveness is because they just don’t want to revisit the pain. Let sleeping dogs lie! Why dig up the past? Just forget it! Who needs it, for God’s sake?

But research is showing that this strategy carries great risk. Unresolved hurts and resentments can give rise to cancer.

But, what if I told you that you could, in less than three hours, neutralize most if not all of the situations that have caused you pain in the past, or may be causing you pain now even, without having to speak a word about any of them? The pain of divorces, betrayals, abuse, abandonments, rejections, thefts, deaths — all transformed in one evening without you sharing anything with anyone. Would you be interested?

I have devised a method of doing this using the Native American Healing Circle. People come together into a circle and I then ask a question like, “If you have ever suffered a painful divorce, walk the circle.”

Those who have, walk across the circle. Upon meeting someone in the middle, they stop, look into each other’s eyes (to connect to each other’s pain), and then each say to the other, “I’m sorry that happened to you.” In that moment, they share their wounds — nonverbally — and heal each other. We go through about 15 questions like that one, which pretty much covers most of the situations people commonly experience as painful. The predominant feeling at the end is sadness. But we don’t leave them there.

Next we look at the basic assumption underlying Radical Forgiveness — that everything happens for a reason, is divinely inspired and needed for our spiritual growth. If we could see how it all fitted into the spiritual big picture, we would see that it was all perfect and that there is nothing to forgive.

We don’t ask anyone to believe that; only that they to be willing to be open to it for an hour or so — and to simply see what happens.

So we do the circle again, adding a crucial phrase on the end of each question. I will say, “If you have ever suffered a painful divorce ... and are willing to see that there might have been perfection in the situation, walk the circle.” When they meet someone coming the other way, this time they say, “John, I honor your willingness to see the perfection in the situation,” and walk on.

There’s a lot more to it that this, but this is the basic gist of it. The results are profound and long lasting. After this circle the predominant feeling is joy. The sadness is transformed, the pain released. People report feeling lighter, more peaceful and resolved. And these feelings seem to endure.

I have no doubt that the physicists could explain it how this works, but for me, seeing hundreds and hundreds of people move into a joyful space having let go of as many as ten painful stories in one evening, is enough. Many wonderful things happen in the days after this ceremony to so many people and I never cease to be amazed by it.

This ceremony is now part of the “Magic” of Radical Forgiveness Workshop. Please check our web site’s calendar for dates and places.