The Process Of Letting Go

Letting go is the process of releasing people, situations, thoughts, habits and patterns that no longer serve us. Letting go means surrendering our ego and will and trusting in the Universe that what is for our highest good and greatest joy will be provided for. Many of us tend to want to remain in control and refuse to let go even when we know that it is in our best interest to surrender.

Letting go is realizing that even when we really want a relationship, that sometimes that option isn't available. Whether it be that the person doesn't have the same feelings for us that we have for them, or that it is a toxic or unhealthy relationship. Knowing that letting go, gives room for new things to come in. Sometimes when we let go and give it space, the relationship will grow with insight and new ways of interacting and understanding one another. The key is avoiding controlling the relationship.

I know that I have held onto relationships that were not good for me in fear that there would not be anything better out there. I clung on thinking that if only he would be the way I wanted, the relationship would be perfect. It doesn't work that way. We cannot hold on to someone in hopes of what it could be, it needs to be based on what it actually is.

Many of us need to let go of thought patterns. We form a belief system that might be faulty, we cling on to this belief because if we release this we would than be vulnerable and available. As long as we remain stuck in this pattern we will not be forced to change. Change is a scary thing for many of us, so we process the same old faulty belief system until we are really ready to make changes in our life.

My father left me when I was very little. I formed a core belief system that men in my life abandon and leave me. I went on to choose men that would reinforce this idea and formed a self fulfilling prophecy. The men I chose would consistently abandon and reject me. In order to change this pattern, I need to release the negative thoughts and replace them with a positive, healthy, secure belief system.

We may find ourselves in situations that repeatedly lead to unhappiness and frustration. It could be the situation that we need to let go of. This may include releasing drama from our lives by changing jobs, modifying friendships, moving to a new place or finding alternative ways of interacting with others. It might be something we are doing that is provoking this situation. Letting go may require us to change how we handle things.

My mom and I have a tendency to bicker a lot. I have found that what I have to let go of is the way we interact. I am making an effort to avoid situations that will set us up for repeating that cycle. For example, we are working on not criticizing one another and not offering our opinion without it being sought. What I am letting go of is the unhealthy pattern and my need to control situations.

The first step in letting go is realizing that an area of our life is not working. Once we acknowledge that there is something to release, taking some time just observing our thoughts, habits, and relationships. As we are present in the moment, we can see what is occurring in our lives. Once we have a higher perspective of what we are doing we can figure out what needs to change.

I realized that a dynamic in my family is to harbor shame, blame and guilt. Once I knew I wanted to change the habit of interacting in this certain way, I began observing what situations would trigger these reactions in me. As I catch myself either receiving or giving shame, blame or guilt I will remind myself that I no longer wish to experience this in my life. I forgive myself for interacting in this pattern or forgive the person triggering these feelings within me. I remind myself that I will have another opportunity to do it better next time.

Next, we need to decide if we are ready to release this pattern. Until we are really open to change, nothing will budge. Letting go is up to us. I am the first to admit I have a tendency to white knuckle it. I will hold onto things way past there time just because I hate to admit defeat. Letting go doesn't mean defeat, it means something isn't working and we need to consider other possibilities.

Once we acknowledge that something in our life isn't working, and we have made the conscious decision to let go, the next thing we need to do is find new ways of doing things. This step may take some time. Perhaps it might be observing ourselves and others and seeing what works and doesn't work. Discovering new ways of doing things through counseling, reading books or through conversations with others or perhaps doing the healing work on ourselves through energy balancing, meditation, prayer, acupuncture, etc.

As we heal and balance ourselves we are breaking the old patterns and finding new ways of living our lives. This is the path of letting go. When we release what no longer works, we are making room for things we might not have even expected we would want. We limit ourselves far more than God limits us. I wonder how many opportunities have passed us by because of our rigid view of what things should be like!

Letting go is a continuous process. We may surrender something only to latch back on consciously or unconsciously so it is important to remain present in the moment and continuously monitor what we are thinking, and doing. We don't want to fall back into old patterns. We don't want to release one thing only to replace it with something similar that still doesn't work, only because it is familiar.

When we fear letting go it is us not trusting in God or a higher power to provide for us. We may feel that there is no other way of doing this. Trust is such an important factor in letting go. Breathing through the fear and uncomfortableness of new situations and ways of being. It will become familiar as we grow and make space within and around us.

Breaking patterns, letting go, and releasing things that do not serve us is a process that takes time, gentleness, flexibility and forgiveness. May you walk gently on your path with God besides you.

Prayer

Dear God, here in this sacred space we have created, I ask you to assist me in letting go of all things that no longer serve me.

As you know, I have a tendency to hold onto old belief systems that limit my growth and progress. I choose to no longer hold myself back in any way from experiencing happiness. I allow myself to let go. Please clear my cluttered thoughts so that they may be focused on love and your presence.

God, I deeply care for this person and wish to have them in my life. I'm not sure if it is for my greatest good. I surrender my attachment to this relationship. Please enter and abide. If this relationship is meant for me, I am open to the possibilities. If it is not, I am prepared to release it. I know and trust that what is meant for me will be provided.

I am tired of repeating patterns that bring me frustration and unhappiness. I surrender the way I do things. I know there is a better way, please show me the way.

I have habits that I know are limiting me. Please remove them. I am really ready to let them go. I know that they are an unconscious attempt to distract me.

Thank you for your blessings. I rest in the comfort of your Grace. I surrender my control.

And so it is.

Amen.