Some years ago I watched Oprah as she interviewed a guy who wrote a book that would once and for all explain to women how to be in order for their man/partner to love her forever...I have to admit, I logged in to Amazon and got the book. Why wouldn't you want to miss out on such valuable information?
Needless to say I was terribly disappointed. The US$49 (plus shipping) bottom line was to stop waiting for miracles to happen. Get on with the programme: Men are relational impaired, they can't do it, so don't ask of them to be understanding, affectionate, remembering birthdays, and (BEWARE!) ask you how you are feeling. It ain't gonna happen.
I thought that was an incredibly insulting piece of gobbledigook. Men can be amazingly capable communicators. You can see it in all walks of life. Once they realise the importance of a connection, be it in business, academia, or politics, their stars have shown as bright as anything.
It appears to me that it is important to
• convey early in the relationship that both parties have to realise the significance of the relationship and agree to mutually attend to its well-being.
• start a habit - and maintain it - of sharing each other's day without judgements
• cultivate some mutual interests
• spend time together having fun
• surprise each other
• brush up on communication skills
• give each other the space to do something alone.
People say 'old habits die hard'. Of course, that goes also for good habits. So start establishing them early and you will never look back.
In case you want to look into brushing up your relationship skills, here is a free mini course that brings for a week long 7 relationship lessons into your inbox. I suppose, it can't hurt, can it? Sign-up here if you like the idea
Dr. Gudrun Frerichs is a trainer, psychotherapist, and researcher who has researched for the last 9 years how people recover from the impact of abuse. She has dedicated herself to assisting survivors of sexual abuse to grow strong and fulfil their potential and their dreams. Read on www.multiplevoices.com and gudrunfrerichs.com. Is your relationship in distress? Get her free mini course Successful Relationships gfrerichs.typepad.com/psychological_resolutions/2008/08/the-secret-of-successful-relationships-7-day-mini-course.html