People have forgotten the simplest lovemaking ‘technique’ of all: the incredible power of human touch. Even when the opportunity arises in lovemaking sessions for us to give and receive the pleasure of the caress, we tend to get caught up in the drive to ejaculatory orgasms.
Admittedly, ejaculatory orgasms produce intense pleasure, but without the slow build up of conscious touch, it is more like a sneeze in the groin, just a release of tension, than a deeply satisfying experience that “makes love grow” (love making). Unfortunately for many people, sex encounters become more mutual masturbation than real love building experiences.
Tantra invites us to take time to thoroughly touch each other to increase arousal across the entire body. Our skin is our biggest organ and needs caring love and attention. But the Tantric touch – the conscious touch- goes deeper than the skin.
“Conscious touch” means that you are not thinking of something else. Your attention is fully on your lover, how they breathe and how they take in your touch. Your conscious touch stirs up energy, opening up both the heart and the flow of sexual energy in the form of weak electronic waves that continue to build up until they become larger waves that encompass the entire body.
Sometimes we touch how we want to be touched instead of tuning in to see how our lover likes it. If you notice your lover caught up in their own thoughts, notice how you are touching them. Ask if they would like a softer or stronger, slower or faster touch. This will get their attention back, and you will get a chance to give them the touch they desire.
Touch is both sensuous and healing. The most obvious emissaries of love are our arms, and the focal points from which love flows are the palms. When we touch our loved ones, we help them heal from any pain or disappointment they experience during the day, and they feel that life is worth living just to be touched by you.
When you connect your intention to your breath, you will feel their muscles sucking in that attention, all the way down to the bones. Yes, bones need love and attention, too, and your intention connected with your breath is powerful enough to penetrate deeply.
Tantric people know that touching a lover does not have to end in ejaculation. Some women cringe when their men start touching them because they know it will end up in intercourse and they might not be in the mood.
I invite men to set up a “just touching time” with your beloved. Then, even when she gets excited you keep your agreement of “just touching” during that time. Doing this often, you build up trust in your word, and she will be touched with joy anytime you do so.
And I promise you that both of you will have an incredibly great time touching and making love.
Carla Tara is an internationally-acclaimed teacher of Tantra, who masterfully integrates a variety of tantric approaches with body-oriented psychotherapy. She has studied with Eastern masters Chitrabhanu, Dr. Mishra and Dr. Rajmani, as well as with Western teachers Lori Grace, Margo Anand, and Charles Muir and others. Her background as a yoga teacher, psychotherapist, dancer, and relationship counselor contributes to the strength and creativity of her work as a coach to both individuals and couples.
For more on intimate connection and relationships, visit my website, 1tantra.com, where you will find my blog, information about classes & private sessions, and my newly released book, Lessons From a Tantric Tango Dancer: A Journey Into Intimacy, Relationships, and Love.