Know someone who has been through a divorce? Maybe you or a loved one? Have you seen or felt the pain? Would you like to prevent it from happening again? Yes, I am sure you would. In this chapter you will learn three Passion, Power, and Purpose Principles that will enable you to have the healthiest relationships, if you apply them
First, a few short questions: Why are you here? Where are you going with this life of yours? What is most important to you? If you do not know who you are, where you are going, what is important, or your relationship requirements, how can you ever expect have a full and passionate life, much less a lasting relationship?
It may seem easier to just go along with what you have been doing or do what you think others want you to do. Easier, however, results in disaster when it comes to not planning your life or relationships.
Do this instead: Know and walk your True Life Path, which means knowing your values, your purpose, and your life vision.
Vision gives your life a target that represents everything you want to do, be, and have in your life. With your vision you know exactly what you are aiming for. Here are two exercises that will help you create your vision.
Exercise 1: A miracle occurs tonight while you are sleeping, and tomorrow, when you awake, your life has everything you have wanted. What would it be like, look like, sound like, and feel like, and who would you be sharing it with? Start writing, and do not stop. Go through all the primary areas of your life: social, emotional, spiritual, financial, relational, familial, vocational, and recreational.
Exercise 2: Create a vision map. Gather magazines and photographs, and cut out pictures, images, words, phrases, and symbols to which you feel drawn. Glue what you have cut out onto a piece of poster or mat board. Add glitter and sequins, a frame, bits of fabric, and, with markers or paint, draw, color, and write other words and symbols that you want in your life.
Hang your vision map prominently in your personal living space, where you will be exposed to it daily. Meditate about it, visualize it, or do other attraction and manifestation exercises with it, but the main thing is just to have it in your living space.
Next, read the first exercise out loud, every day for a month and at least once a week thereafter. Read it in the first person (using I and me) and in the present tense (now), as if it is all actually happening for you in this moment.
For example, if you have a vision of wealth, health, and relationship fulfillment, you might visualize and say the following: “My bank account has $100,000 in it, and my portfolio shows a net worth of over $1 million; I exercise every day, eat healthy food, and meditate twice a day; my relationship with my life partner is perfect as we work through every issue that we have; we are harmonious with each other and cheerfully share in all the tasks and responsibilities of running a household.”
This vision work can bring an onslaught of prosperous and abundant opportunities your way as you begin to allow your vision to pull you into your Ultimate Greatness—for you and all humankind!
• Passion, Power, and Purpose Principle #1: Create your vision, and you will have the magnet that will pull you into your ultimate and utmost future.
What are your core values? Not sure? If you find yourself having difficulty making decisions (especially in relationships), completing tasks and projects, or often feeling overwhelmed with too much to do in too little time, then it is time for you to create a value-driven life to guide you. This is a process of establishing your values and prioritizing all decisions and actions based on those values. Why struggle when you can live your life with greater ease?
Essentially, your values are the elements of your life that you regard as most important. Below is a small sampling of some value terms:
Accomplishment
Communication
Decisiveness
Discipline
Empowerment
Faith
Gratitude
Health
Imagination
Joy
Love/romance
Money
Prosperity
Quality of work
Openness
Peace
Spirituality
Teamwork
Truth
Trust
Unity
Variety
Wealth
Well-being
Wisdom
Zest
Spend some time reflecting on what is really most important to you and identify your top 10 values—the 10 that you most stand for.
• What would you risk embarrassing yourself for?
• What would you not be afraid that everyone knew about you?
• What would you risk being rejected for?
• What would you risk dying for?
People do not live a value-driven life because they want to avoid conflict with others. They are simply afraid of what others think. By avoiding this perceived conflict, these same people then create a debilitating inner conflict for themselves because they are not living according to their values.
Who do you want to live your life according to? You or others?
Commit yourself to a value-driven life, and you will attract people of similar values and people who will support and encourage you to continue to live accordingly. Ignore your values, and you will attract other people who ignore their own core values as well as yours.
• Passion, Power, and Purpose Principle #2: Allow your values to be the guides and markers on your path that keep you going in the proper direction toward your vision to fulfill your purpose.
We each have a unique purpose. When you know what your purpose is and live according to it, you will experience an amazing sense of empowerment and passion.
Answer the following questions to get started:
• What is it that really turns me on?
• What is my unique gift or talent?
• What do I do, or have wanted to do, that would make a huge difference in the world today?
• What is it that I do that gives my life the most meaning?
• Where and with whom am I the happiest?
• If I had one billion dollars to spend on one cause, what would I spend it on?
• If I were to describe my ideal or perfect day, what would it look like, sound like, and be like?
Look closely at what you have written here and what you also defined in your vision work and your values clarification. What are the common threads that keep showing up? What is the fire in your belly that wakes you up in the middle of the night?
Work with this process until you come up with the completed statement, “The purpose of my life is_____.” When that statement resonates as a 10 on a scale from 1 to 10, then you know you have found your purpose.
• Passion, Power, and Purpose Principle #3: Allow your life purpose to be the flashlight to keep you on your True Life Path.
When you are on your True Life Path, you will find the highest degree of passion and empowerment. This is the place where you will be in your integrity, which means to be in your wholeness and in alignment with your values. In other words, it is the place where your walk will match your talk.
And this is the place in which you will make your best relationship decisions. Understand the importance of marrying yourself first! Know who you really are, what your purpose is, what your values are, and what your vision is. Get whole with yourself first so you will not look to someone else to complete this for you. As Shakespeare once wrote, “This above all else, to thine own self be true.”
** This article is one of 101 great articles that were published in 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. To get complete details on “101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life”, visit http://www.selfgrowth.com/greatways3.html
Ken Donaldson is the author of the life and relationship success book Marry YourSelf First! Saying “I Do” to a Life of Passion, Power and Purpose (http://www.marryUfirst.com). Ken founded the REALationship Coaching programs to empower people to have more successful lives, businesses, and relationships by building a powerful relationship with themselves first. He is a licensed mental health counselor, is board certified as an addictions professional and clinical hypnotherapist, and is certified as a master relationship coach. He has been called “a blend of Dr. Phil mixed in with Buddha and Salvador Dali.” Visit him online at http://www.REALationshipCoach.com.