Whether you are interested in Tantra or devoutly practicing the principles, the following tips on how to bring more intimacy into your relationship are good reminders:
1. Appreciate each other!
We all love to be appreciated. But how we appreciate each other can make all the difference. First and foremost, appreciations must be genuine; they also must be specific. Think over your week together and find something very specific that you appreciated about your partner. It may be something about their physical appearance or beauty but I invite you to remember when your partner did something or said something that you felt gratitude for. Take a moment and close your eyes, take a deep a breath and let gratitude rise in your heart. Invite a memory or an image to emerge of something you are grateful for related to your partner. There, now that you've found it, find a time/space when your partner is available to hear your appreciation. Ask first, if s/he is willing to listen in this moment. Assuming s/he says, "yes", share what you've noticed about him/her. It'd be extra lovely if the listener reflected back what they heard! Continue loving each other in all the little ways you do for the rest of the evening!
2. Listen to each other!
Engage with your partner fully. Be totally present; do not let your mind wander. Be warm and engaging. Look directly into their eyes. Be present and show you are interested in her/him, in his/her thoughts and desires.When your partner is speaking, get in touch with the feeling behind what they are saying and be in empathy with that. Respond to that feeling, identify it, and from that place repeat back a paraphrased version of what they have just said, so they will feel heard on a deep level. Respond with 'ohs', head nods, um-hmms, and show you are engaged!
3. Create a beautiful, sacred space together!
Creating a beautiful, sacred space evokes the energy of Venus, of the heart, of eros, of erotic romantic sensual love as the setting for your lovemaking. Make your Tantric ritual a feast of the senses! Have fun choosing the most beautiful flowers that speak to you, and arrange them consciously as an act of love. Allow your creativity to flow in creating a beautiful display. Carefully and consciously choose the music you will use to enliven your passion. Create a playlist to enjoy as you languish together for hours of pleasure. Add to your sacred space scents you love that further enhance your experience; sandalwood, lily, jasmine are some of our favorites. Bring in photos of spiritual personages or statues that further reflect the energy of sacredness. Adorn your space with silks or other cloths of refinement and beauty.
And don't forget the lighting! White twinkle lights (small white Christmas tree lights) strung artfully in short loops around the room can create a beautiful and sweet environment. And, be sure you have lots of pillows to prop up in all the right places to make your hours of lovemaking relaxing and comfortable. Make sure your sheets are fresh and clean. And, have plenty of towels or pads to catch all of those wonderful sexual juices.
4. Be playful, open hearted, and authentic!
Remember to bring a light-hearted, playful and happy attitude to your lovemaking. Even though you may feel passionate, expressing your passion with a fun and joyful energy will help to lighten things up and take your focus off of technique. Open your heart and express your love in everything you do, though your eyes, your touch, your embrace. Be authentic and speak only from your heart and you'll find your lovemaking will rise to new heights of enjoyment and arousal.
5. Enjoy the art of touch!
Learn how your partner likes to be touched. Does a delicate, light touch tickle or arouse? Experiment with varying degrees of pressure, from extremely gentle, light touch with only the fingertips, to a deeper more engaging grasp. Notice how your partner responds, and adjust your touch accordingly. Remember, a woman's entire body can be erogenous. Caress her arms, the palms of her hands, the outsides of her breasts and thighs, her knees and feet. Massage his body with love, coming back to his genital region occasionally to heighten his arousal and spread this erotic energy throughout his entire body. Bodies are wonderful 'pleasure vehicles'. Take your time and explore each other's body fully with your touch, giving and receiving pleasure and erotic love.
Robyn Vogel, MA, LMHC, is an intimacy coach who serves the community by offering Tantra-infused counseling to couples, individuals and groups. For 20+ years, she has been supporting others in creating more love in their lives. She has been trained in several body-oriented modalities which support her spiritual approach to healing and her deep connection to this work: Reiki energy healing, Chakra-balancing, Internal Family Systems, yoga therapy, EMDR,and family mediation. She is particularly skilled when it comes to matters of the heart. Most people that meet Robyn appreciate her deep compassion, open heart, and the way she holds sacred space for the depth of the human experience. Join her for the Ignite Your Heart, Transform Your Relationship telesummit for more ways to integrate Tantra with your life and relationship: http://igniteyourhearttransformyourrelationship.com/