***You Can't Become Whole Without Overcoming Adversity

"It's not in the still calm of life, or the repose of a pacific station that great characters are formed. The habits of a vigorous mind are formed in contending with difficulties."

--Abigail Adams (in a letter to her son, future president John Quincy Adams, when he was 12)

When Abigail Adams wrote those words to her son, she was telling him that he would never become great if he chose a life of ease. At the time, the American Revolution was raging. If he was to become a whole, fully evolved person, he couldn’t sit on the sidelines.

There is a lot of wisdom in that thinking because when a crisis hits, you learn who you really are. Do you have the mental toughness to survive? Can you make the right decisions and lead people through, or will you simply try to save your own skin?

The truth of this idea was proven recently in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Along the Gulf Coast, we saw ordinary people rise to levels of greatness by helping others. Yet we also saw looters, snipers, and thugs who behaved like subhumans in response to the same crisis.

The annals of history are full of stories of people who discovered unexpected strengths in times of crisis. Winston Churchill was a respected statesman who became an immortal leader by shepherding Britain through the darkest days of World War II. (Learn more about his leadership at http://www.winstonchurchill.org.) Adversity also refined the leadership of Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, and countless other leaders.

You might be thinking, “That’s all well and fine, but I don’t face disaster every day. What am I supposed to do, go looking for trouble?”

That’s a fair question. The answer to it just might be a surprising yes. To become a whole person, you need to expose that inner, higher person who can handle the limelight in tough times. And there are ways to do it, even when life seems to be running smoothly.

Push the envelope. While I was watching that great tennis match between Andre Agassi and James Blake in the recent U.S. Open, I heard a television commentator say that early in his career, Agassi intentionally lost a few sets in a match so it would run long. He wanted to be sure he had the toughness to play longer matches. Up until then, he was winning matches quickly because of his raw talent. Agassi was getting himself into trouble so he could learn more about himself. Of course, it is foolhardy to take risks like that when a loss would be crippling. But at other times, why not? Why not apply for a job you don’t think you can get and see what happens? Why not try to buy the investment property you really want instead of shooting lower? Remember the words, “Always, always do what you are afraid to do.” That is the life-changing advice that the American philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson got from his aunt Mary Moody Emerson.

Recognize the extraordinary aspects of everyday life. Speaking of Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882; http://www.emersoncentral.com), he wrote that the stars that come out every night are not ordinary, they are miracles that most of us ignore. The sun that comes up every day is miraculous. Each new person you meet is a universe of new ideas. The birth of every baby is an inexplicable wonder. When you try to remember that life is miraculous, you encounter that “other” person within you--the one who lives life on a higher plane and who is ready for anything.

Treat routine challenges with exceptional energy and integrity. A few years ago, I saw a red car plow into the back of a white car at a stop sign. The driver of the white car, which had been badly damaged, got out and stood waiting at the curb. The driver of the red car, who had done the damage, slumped into her seat and made phone calls for a good three minutes before she got out and started surveying the damage to her car. Even then, she did not have the decency to ask the other woman, “Are you alright?” Life had offered her an opportunity to cultivate her other, higher self by acting well, but instead she took the low road.

Life is like that. We can be big players, or small. Ultimately, we don’t need to wait for a hurricane or other crisis to reach for wholeness. We can reach for it, even on an ordinary day.