In these unpredictable times, it’s easy for us to yearn to know what is going to happen, to be more tied into to knowing what the outcome for most circumstances are. However, it maybe that one of the best strategies for getting what we want is to psychologically release our insistence that things go our way, or keep focusing on our preconceived notions of what we want. This is the same principle of the watched pot not boiling, too much impatient focus may make it harder for us to obtain our desired outcome.
The Law of Attraction says that when we desperately desire something, we are conveying to the Universe negative messages that come out of fear, jealousy, greed and hopelessness. When we put too much emphasis on a person/situation/object to create our happiness, we are using forces contradictory to the Law of Attraction which is about flow and freedom. The Law of Attraction manifests our predominant thoughts, so focusing on how unhappy we are without something only creates more lack and emptiness.
When we reframe these thoughts and tell ourselves, “Okay, I can live without this”, or “Maybe it’s not meant to be”, we release our attachment to our desired outcome and allow more energy from the Universe to help us reach our goals. I’d like to share these inspiring stories of how letting go of attachment and a specific desired outcome led to peace, love and prosperity for others. I hope these stories will inspire you to let go of something you maybe holding onto and too attached to!
It's Sometimes Darkest Before the Dawn
A man in his sixties had been living prosperously off his investment income without working at any particular job. However, when the market crashed in the fall of 2008, his income was reduced quite a bit. He looked for jobs for 6 months without any prospects. He began to conclude that maybe he should retire and not enter the workforce. Shortly after he let go of his attachment to having a job, he received 2 part-time job opportunities that are an ideal fit for what he was looking to do for work.
This strategy also worked for one of my clients in her fifties. She had recently located to a new area and didn’t have many contacts. Although she hated the on-line resume submittal process, she sent out many resumes and cover letters and got no responses. After months of searching, she was very discouraged. After she allowed herself to have her feelings, and “gave up” for a while, she was contacted by an employer and is about to start a wonderful new position that is perfect for her skill set and interests.
Let Go of Your Ego’s Desires
I had to share this amazing story of how letting go sometimes brings us exactly what we want! A woman in her forties was working as an executive in Human Resources. One of her colleagues told her he would offer her support and then withdrew is when she needed to count on him. She was angry and disgusted with their behavior, but also wanted to take the higher road in the situation.
She vented her anger the next morning to her coach in order to put the situation in perspective. She was shocked and surprised when her offending colleague walked into work later that morning in casual clothes. Her colleague had to stop and buy the casual clothes because someone had vomited on them on the way to work, right about the same time as the human resources executive was letting go of her anger and disgust! This is an interesting example of what goes around, comes around!
Be Open to Other Possible Solutions
It’s often hardest to be let go of the outcome when managing our relationships. The old adage of setting someone free can be the most effective technique to helping them find their way home. A man is his thirties loved his girlfriend of 3.5 years. He longed to settle down, get married and have a family. She loved him, but was not ready to make a commitment. When she chose to take advantage of a fabulous 6 month internship 3,000 miles away, he was initially very upset and sad. However, he gained new perspective and insight through coaching from others and realized that he wanted to support her dreams. By letting her go, he let go of his attachment to the picture of what their life together would be. When he visited her in her new location, he fell in love with the area. After 4 months of commuting back and forth, he decided to relocate and they are now planning a wonderful life together in their new locale.
A woman in her mid-thirties was very upset when she and her boyfriend broke up. After 5 years, it took her quite a long time to let go of this past relationship. Six months after her break-up, she met a very nice man that actually knew her former boyfriend. This situation felt too close to home and she needed more time to grieve and be on her own. They went out a few times but she still wasn’t really interested in him. However, this new man kept in touch with her for another 6 months and she finally decided to let go and see him again. She was surprised at what a good time she had and how much they had in common, and is eager to see him again!
When Something Doesn’t Go Your Way
When something isn’t going your way, perhaps it’s time to look at the situation with a different view. Is it time to look into new options or solutions when your initial ideas aren’t bearing fruit? Ask yourself if there are other ways to achieve your goal-or if you your ego is too attached to things working out exactly the way you want. What lessons have you learned in the past when you don’t get what you want?
A freelancer in her fifties was very focused on finding new work. She was worried about paying her bills, but decided to let go of getting a job, and wrote a list of the things she wanted to attract. Shortly after writing her list, she got accepted for unemployment after being turned down for months and received a free airline ticket offer. She was also able to rent out her apartment for cash, bringing in the additional money she needed!
MOVING FORWARD
Make a list of three or four situations where you let go of your expectations and your "pictures" or plans, and you got an even more desirable outcome. What qualities did you demonstrate to help you let go and give up these expectations or outcomes? What part of your life are you having the most trouble letting go in? What fear(s) prevent you from letting go in this area? What actions could you take to help you let go?
Recommended Reading:
The Language of Letting Go, by Melody Beattie
Compelled to Control: Recovering Intimacy in Broken Relationships, by J. Keith Miller
Imperfect Control: Our Lifelong Struggles with Power and Surrender, by Judith Viorst
Suzanne Blake, PCC is an International Coach Federation Professional Certified Coach with 18 years of coaching, training and business consulting experience. Suzanne helps her private clients accelerate their succees in their careers, relationships and lifestyle with empowerment, new perspectives, and concrete tools and action steps.
Her consulting work has concentrated on delivering results-oriented communications trainings, and leadership development programs using the Personal Coaching Styles Inventory (PCSI), and the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI).
Clients include: Verizon Corporation, Arnold Worldwide, EMC Corporation (US and Scandinavia), Neighborhood Health Plan, Anthem Blue Cross/Blue Shield, The Boston Ad Club, Synthes Switzerland, University of Massachusetts Medical School, Massachusetts Senior Women’s Bar Association, William A. Berry and Sons, Inc., and Children’s Hospital Boston. A keynote speaker, noted presenter and facilitator, and spokesperson for the coaching profession, her coaching work has been featured in the New York Times, the Boston Globe, Smart Money Magazine, Redbook Magazine, MSN.com, on WBZ Television News, and WCVB Chronicle Magazine, and numerous other media venues.