“What are you doing?” he asks. “Tweeting,” you reply, happily letting all your friends know that you’re going for a latte. “Again?!” he exclaims, “God I’m sick of that thing.” “Oh, stop already,” you say, “ I’ve only tweeted – “ “Half a dozen times since we got in the car,” he says, finishing your sentence for you. Which totally annoys you, but whatever . . .
What is his problem, anyway? you ask yourself. What’s wrong with keeping up with your friends? After all, he’s on your friends list too.
Ah, but there’s the rub. He – or she - may not want to be on your friends list. At least not just on your friends list. They may want – well, let’s see, just what might your Sweetheart want? And how can Twitter either seriously damage or greatly perk up your relationship?
Most of us know by now that Twitter is a real-time messaging system for groups and friends, sort of like IM (instant messaging) on the run, since it works on your cell as well as any computer. Twitter messages are limited to 140 characters, sent as a single “tweet” and can be used for a whole host of reasons, but one of the main uses is to let people know what you’re up to, where you’re going, what’s of immediate interest to you. Your tweets can be marked private so only people you've authorized can see them, or public, which means anyone who knows your Twitter ID can read them.
So what’s the problem?
Well, let’s see:
1. Nothing left to say.
You’ve tweeted your every move, every thought, every little event throughout your day to your entire list of friends, including your mate, you come home from work, sit down to dinner with your spouse and realize – there’s nothing left to say. You’ve already communicated everything that happened, and if she/he’s a tweeter too, so have they.
2. She/He’s left out of the loop
You tweet energetically regularly to all your friends – but not your Honey. You either figure he/she won’t be interested, or they’re your mate, not a friend, so why tweet them? And the upshot is you’re leaving your Honey out of the loop of your life, of what you’re up to. When you stop sharing your life with your mate, intimacy suffers.
3. Reminding vs pestering
You love to tweet, what a great way to remind your Sweetie to pick up the laundry, remember the milk, schedule a parent-teacher meeting, download a whatever, etc., etc. Uh-huh. Except that reminding can quickly turn into pestering. One tweet is a reminder, three on the same subject is nagging, pestering and other unpleasant communications.
4. Spending your together time tweeting
Tweeting can be an individual or a together experience. When you’re with your Honey, if you tweet on your own, then you’re cheating your mate of the time you’ve chosen to spend together. Your mate feels less important to you than the multitude you communicate with continuously. That’s a big ego hit. It doesn’t feel good. The more you indulge in individual tweets (sent or received) while you’re together, the more you’re saying to your guy/gal “You don’t matter to me.” Ouch.
What’s the good news? The relationship upside to Twitter?
1. It’s a great romance enhancer
Let’s face it, there’s nothing sexier than getting a “I’m hot for you – can’t wait to see you tonight” tweet (when it’s marked private and sent just to you). There is no limit to the romantic (or lustful!) messages you can zip off. From playful to serious, it’s a fantastic way to keep the romance between you sizzling.
2. Tweeting together brings you closer
When you’re together, instead of tweeting on your own, tweet together! If there’s something you’re doing or experiencing or thinking about, something funny or interesting you just heard or saw, say to your Honey – “Wanna tweet it?” and send it to your mutual friends from the both of you.
3. Tweeting “just for him/her”
Share some tweets just with your Honey. Let that be your private channel of communicating whatever crosses your mind, whatever you’re up to. Now, instead of being left outside of the loop, treated as “less than,” your Sweetie is privileged, important, gets to share portions of you that no one else does. That feels good.
Tweeting is communicating. And just like other forms of communication involving your mate, it can either enrich and strengthen your relationship or it can drive a wedge between the two of you.
Noelle C. Nelson, Ph.D. is a respected relationship expert, consultant, speaker and author. Her latest book is "Your Man is Wonderful," (Free Press, 2009). For more than a decade, she has helped people live happier, healthier lives through appreciation--at work, at home and in relationships. E-mail: nnelson@dr.noellenelson.com, website: www.noellenelson.com.