Have You Ever Felt the Effects of Communication Anxiety?

Have you ever dealt with communication anxiety? You know, that discomfort when you feel all tongue-tied because you don’t know what to say in a given situation. It shows up differently for each person. Some feel embarrassed, some feel hot under the collar, some say it feels like they are choking, some get moist palms and some just feel like the world is going to end. An extreme form of communication anxiety is road rage. This very negative behavior can be very destructive indeed.

It happens in all kinds of situations. The most common are the job interview, a romantic date, a trip to the principal’s office, or when you find yourself needing to do some public speaking. Public speaking can be the most difficult one of all.

I refer to this wellness category as INTERPERSONAL WELLNESS – OUR COMMUNICATION. It’s a large category because there really aren’t that many times, in which, people don’t have to communicate with others.

Interpersonal wellness or lack of it comes in many forms. For some, it means they can’t find the words and for others, it means they monopolize conversations and really don’t contribute too much. There is a term for this form of communication anxiety – cocktail party syndrome. We have all met these types before.

The pendulum swings far in both directions. In one corner, we have cocktail party syndrome and in the other corner, we have the quiet, shy mouse that never gets her needs met because she can never find the words. There are many variations on the theme and many degrees of communication anxiety. Where do you fit? Do you feel you have achieved interpersonal wellness in your life? Have you ever even considered the topic?

Marketing guru, Faith Popcorn wrote a book a few years back called the Popcorn Report. In this book, she identified several consumer-buying trends that are shaping our world. The most important trend she talked about was “Cocooning”, which is the need that people have, to stay in their homes as much as possible. This trend has brought about the success of many industries including, Internet-based social networking such as Twitter, MySpace and Facebook; the computer-based gaming industry; online shopping, distance education; and of course, our old friend, television.

The more afraid people become to leave their homes and go out into the big, bad, dangerous world, the more problems that occur in the realm of interpersonal wellness. The farther people retreat into their comfort zones, the more communication anxiety they feel when they step out of it.

Lack of interpersonal wellness has affected more areas of life than you might think. Because they spend so little time interacting with adults, children are growing up not knowing how to communicate with adults and as a result, they are thought of as disrespectful or rude. Young people going out into the world for their first jobs are having a terrible time because they lack basic self-management skills such as the ability to communicate effectively. No matter the age group or the situation, communication anxiety is gaining ground and interpersonal wellness is losing ground.

The biggest impact of this trend is an increase in stress levels in peoples’ lives. Extreme ongoing life stress, particularly the bad kind (distress), leads to the build up of oxidative stress in the body, also known as free-radical damage. This oxidative stress is a key factor in the formation of one or more chronic degenerative diseases, such as asthma or diabetes or arthritis. These chronic degenerative diseases, of which there are more than 70 known versions, steal quality of life and lead to death. The vicious cycle is so unnecessary.

How can we return to a state of interpersonal wellness, individually and as a society; and eliminate or reduce communication anxiety? How can we reduce stress caused by our inability to communicate effectively with others?

Solving any wellness challenge is simply a matter of learning some critical thinking and problem solving skills. First, we all need to learn more about our own style of communicating. We live in a world of blame and we look for scapegoats at all cost. It’s time to take responsibility for ourselves. Are you aggressive, passive aggressive or controlling? Are you lazy, arrogant, or miserable? None of these is a problem unless we don’t take responsibility for them. None of these styles is bad in small doses, either, but if your communication style is consistently one of these models, then it’s time to look at learning a new way to communicate.

It’s time to get that chip off your shoulder. Your neighbour did not create your lousy childhood memories; your children are not responsible for your failed hopes and dreams; and your coworkers are not responsible for your bad attitude and lousy marks while you were in school. So stop taking out your past on the people around you. Instead, look to the future and build a new style.

Interpersonal wellness is a choice, just as living with communication anxiety is a choice. Achieving and maintaining interpersonal wellness is simply a matter of learning a few new skills. Once you do, you will see that you do have the power to take back control of your health and your life. After all, we are all accountable, are we not?