Narcissists Feel No Love in Any Relationship

The easiest way to think about it is this : Narcissists are stuck at age five.

One of the most well-known theories in pyschology is Sigmund Freud's theory that as children, we pass through different psychosexual stages. According to Freud, if a child is deprived or over-indulged in any of these stages, it results in what he calls "fixation." Fixation describes an adult who is stuck or attached to an earlier childhood mode of satisfaction.

An infant does not see others as indistinguishable from the self. An infant or toddler perceives the world (or mother) as an extension of himself. Children feel that people, particularly mother, are present to cater to their every need. They know that if they cry, they can elicit an immediate response in those around them. They will be presented with food and cradling in response to any fussing or crying on their part. They see others as existing solely for their own purposes.

This type of selfishness is natural for an infant or small child. They must rely on others to meet their needs in order to survive. According to Freud, this extreme selfishness, or narcissism is a normal psych-sexual stage of development between the stages of auto-eroticism and object-libido. Freud published an entire article on the subject titles "On Narcissism: An Introduction."

Healthy, well-adjusted children eventually grow out of this narcissistic stage. They grow out of it and learn to understand that others have needs as well. Unfortunately, not everyone grows out of this stage. If they received too little or too much attention, they may become fixated in this stage, obsessed with getting their needs met at all times. This is where the narcissist is stuck. He is stuck at age five and completely oblivious to the fact that others have needs or wants of their own.

The only feelings a narcissist experiences are the primal, instinctive feelings we all posses in order to survive - Fear and Anger. We are all born with these instincts as they are critical to our survival - think Darwin's survival of the fittest. This may also help explain why when a narcissist becomes upset, he rages, doesn't he? That's because this is the only real feeling a narcissist experiences so when it comes on, watch out. This is no acting. He really feels this.

As a human, if our development is healthy, we evolve and begin realizing that others have needs as well. We begin to develop more mature complex feelings, such as empathy, love and compassion. Unfortunately, if our development is stunted, we never evolve past the narcissistic stage. We are stuck at age five and have never developed the feelings that truly make us the unique humans we are.

I feel sorry for them in a way. Narcissists are not able to experience the wonderful feeling of loving another. Sure, they think they love you but that's because they are dependent on you for survival, not because they are in love with you in any mature, adult or romantic way.

They truly cannot help it. They simply never developed feelings such as love and empathy. Deep down they know they are different. They know they should feel these feelings and learn to mimic this behavior by watching others. They do not want to be "found out" so they "act out" the feelings they know they should feel in the beginning of a relationship in order to win your love. Unfortunately, this is only an act and once they feel they have secured your love, perhaps through marriage, their true colors will come out.

Bottom line is narcissists have no empathy, never did and never will.