The Strong, Independent Woman’s Biggest Life Lesson

I would often try to control the nature of my relationships with men in subtle ways. If I met a guy I felt attracted to I put much of my energy into hoping he would call me, or I’d try to orchestrate a way that we could meet again, rather than let go and trust that if he is interested he would call.

At times I’ve also tried to control what my soul’s purpose should be, or what direction it should go in. I’ve been stuck in thoughts of how to make money, what type of seminars have the widest market, or what course makes the best business sense, instead of listening to that still small voice inside me that knows the way to a fulfilling career. A mentor of mine Gary Ferguson once told me, “When it comes to following your soul’s calling, Rachael, it’s like sitting on the river bank. You are close, but not in the river. Once you let go of the safety of those banks and jump into the river, you will be in the flow and there will be no stopping you.” At times I still want to cling to those banks as a way to remain in control of my life. I have asked myself: “What if my deepest desires don’t come to fruition? What if my heart’s calling won’t sustain me financially?” The paradox is, by giving up control, I am offered the chance to receive all the support I need to make it happen.

When a strong, independent woman fears letting her feminine side out, she can become overly independent and controlling. She will attempt to manage the people and events in her life so she feel in control. This could look like an attempt to make a love relationship work when it really has no chance, or forcing motivation into a project she isn’t passionate about, or wanting others to change. Perhaps the biggest life lesson for the strong, independent woman is Trust – in yourself, in a partner, in Life.

A common challenge I see with many of my clients is giving up the notion that they are in absolute control of their life. Whether the issue they present is about finding the perfect job, the love of their life, or solving a problem, they think they are the only one that must come up with the solution or next step. This is not the case.

You are the visionary. You are the one that needs to get clear on what you want. You are the one that needs to take action. Let your higher power figure out “the how.” That higher power can see the bigger picture, and knows more than your conscious mind knows. You have access to this guidance always. Are you willing to trust it and let go of those banks?

When I began to harness the power of this “divine” relationship, everything started to change. Here are 3 practical ways to connect with this guidance that have worked for me.

One: Start asking questions you want answers to. First get yourself into a joyful, receptive state by thinking of something or someone you are most grateful for, and then ask a question you want support in answering. Don’t demand an answer, just be open to one. It could come in the form of a picture that comes to your mind. It could be a still, small voice that you hear. It could be a feeling or a knowing that you get in touch with. Make note of what comes to you.

Two: Add a gratitude prayer to your day. I do this on my morning walk. “Thank you for the guidance you give, I am open to receiving more and more.” When I say this I feel a deeper willingness to let go and trust life.

Three: In my meditations I have added the word “trust.” Instead of just witnessing my breath and the thoughts that float in and out, I place my focus on the word “trust.” I say it over and over again, and within minutes I feel myself letting go and a relaxed smile comes to my face.

All three practices will support a closer relationship with your higher power, which is the fundamental way to develop a greater sense of trust in Life.

When you find yourself at a time in your life where you want to let go of the trapeze you’ve been clinging to, trust has to be present in order to make the leap. A trapeze artist has to let go of one side before they can be caught on the other. After letting go they must stay in trust, even when they cannot see the person that is there to catch them. Your higher power is like your trapeze partner you cannot see. Your life really takes flight when you start to trust and let go of the control you only think you have.