What Is A Woman’s Foundation For Real Love?

Who doesn’t love the concept of LOVE? Whether that conjures up images of romantic, passionate love or the deep, soulful kind of love or the unconditional love animals often show us. Any way you look at it, LOVE just plain feels GOOD! With all the scrumptious forms it can take, I don’t know any woman who doesn’t want more in her life.

As a Coach & Speaker, I support women in awakening to their true power and potential. And what I have discovered in the years of working with women, is that there is one form of love which is most often overlooked, ignored or just plain refused – and that is self love. Self love is truly the most important love we could possibly have in our lives and here’s why. Our relationship with ourself is the template for every other relationship we will have in our lives.

All of our relationships are built on this one primary and most important relationship called me. There is so much research out there that speaks to this truth so if you are curious, you can look into psychology or quantum physics or even law of attraction and they all say the same thing: What’s happening inside of us, has more of an impact on what we experience in life than any circumstance outside of us.

So when it comes to our relationships out in the world with our families, friends, coworkers, etc., the relationship we have with ourselves becomes the foundation for how we experience relationships with others. Do we feel fulfilled? Are we getting our needs met? Is it a good give and take? All of the answers to these questions actually start within and begin with how much self love we possess.

In the past five years, as I’ve offered transformational programs for women, three themes around self love always seem to surface in some way or another. There is a collective experience we women share in our culture which has us shy away from cultivating more self love so here are some tips and tools to grow, develop and deepen your self love. And if any part of you is already resisting even the thought of this, then these are things you definitely want to incorporate into your life!

Discover who you really are

One of the most common themes I see for women is that they haven’t yet discovered who they truly are. They are too busy trying to be everything to everyone and they haven’t taken the time to ask the question of “who am I?”

While that question can certainly sound vague and overwhelming, it’s an essential one to ask. The answers to “who am I?” lead to discoveries such as what really makes me happy and what is authentic for me. Many women have never taken the opportunity to ask these questions, instead opting to step into predetermined ideas of themselves that may or may not fit.

I have a couple of simple suggestions for how you can to discover who you really are. They aren’t difficult and you won’t need to sacrifice your next shopping spree to do them! First, see if you can put aside all the things that you have been taught about who you are and genuinely ask yourself the question “who am I?” Then, and this is crucial…listen for the answer. It might come right away, it might come tomorrow or in three weeks, but if you are sincere and are paying attention, you will get an answer.

Then write or ask yourself: “If I didn’t have any fear, what would I do? Who would I be?” Again, most important part is listening for the answer. Finally, ask what roles or identities are you playing that don’t really fit for you? Maybe the role of employee doesn’t allow you to utilize all of your creative gifts and talents. Maybe the role of girlfriend comes with some limitations that don’t work for you. I invite you to explore the roles and identities that feel most real and authentic for you. Writing is a great way to do so or ask a close friend to interview you with these questions.

Connect with Yourself Regularly

Yes, we have all heard it so many times before, but we are talking about me time! And not just any me time, but creating quality time to connect with yourself in meaningful ways. Now that you have discovered who you are, it’s time to celebrate you! So ask yourself, what would feel really good?

Some days it might be taking a long soak, other days it might be finding a fabulous new outfit that you feel smashing in or some days it might be a massage, a walk in the park or time with a good book. It doesn’t really matter what you do, just as long as you use that time to connect with yourself and feel good in the process.

When we take time for ourselves, parts of us get filled up and cared for, leaving us feeling more satisfied and content. We free up our energy to be more present, available and are better able to show up for the important roles we do play in our lives.

When we just go, go, go and give, give, give and don’t really stop to care for all parts of themselves – the mental, emotional, spiritual and physical aspects of who we are – we send a signal, deep into our being that we are unimportant, we don’t really matter, or our needs are insignificant. When you take the time to authentically connect and honor all parts of you, notice what that leads to. Observe in what ways you begin to feel improvements in how you feel and in your life.

Value Yourself More

Another theme I see chronically with women is undervaluing themselves. This looks like over giving, not asking for what you need or want, feelings of being taken advantage of, not earning or charging enough for what you do and putting yourself at the bottom of your ever present to-do list.

Once you begin to authentically know who you are and celebrate that, it will no longer seem acceptable to undervalue yourself. And that is a good thing! We are all valuable in our own unique ways and it’s time to honor it. As an added benefit, the more you value yourself, the more others will value you.

To grow your self value, look at your time, your talents and your energy as precious commodities. They are valuable, not to be given away to just anyone – but to be shared with people who will honor and value them in return.

Think about places in your life where you might be giving away some of your value (time, energy, resources, love, etc.) and it is not being received or valued in return. Ask yourself, “how can I value myself more in this situation and request what I feel I deserve?” Or perhaps you decide this is a relationship or situation that you no longer wish to be a part of. When you do this, you send a signal within and to everyone around you, that you are and what you have to offer is valuable. And by doing so, you change your dynamics and come more and more into alignment with who you really are.

By incorporating these three ways of growing your self love, the potential for more love in your life magnifies. And what woman doesn’t want a bit more love in her life!?