We speak languages that often represent our thoughts, cultural beliefs, religious beliefs, viewpoints and serve as communication needs in all over the world. Our languages contain different words for different feelings such as being happy, grieved, cheer full, cool, indifferent, warm, hot, sensitive, caring, aggressive, assertive, pound, shy, confident and much more. For each human feeling, there is some vocabulary to express the same emotion. And many emotions are universal that we keep by birth.
I am only discussing the word ‘sorry’ to convey my meaning clearly in this article. There could be several words in your language to express the feelings of ‘sorry’. And each one of us interprets the word ‘sorry’ in a specific way to fulfill his/her time requirements.
Some use the word ‘sorry’ when they hurt others feelings. Some use it to express their empathetic feelings for someone else’s sad feelings. Some feel sorry for their mistakes and incorrect decisions in life. Some use the word ‘sorry’, as an excuse for doing wrong things. Some speak sorry to express their politeness in front of their elders before starting an argument. There could be much more meaning in each mind that learns and interprets the words.
On some occasions ‘sorry’ is must that if we do not say, we are being taken as rude and selfish from a moral point of view. On some occasions sorry is a curse as you are supposed to do your responsibility and obligation. All in all sorry is very commonly used word around the world and we often use it for our needs.
Since birth we start to understand the meanings of ‘words’ like the word ‘sorry’. Then our experiences and interpretations make a chain of meanings (beliefs) related to those words. In our adulthood those words carry the meanings we believe and those associated thoughts usually are our beliefs. That is why our beliefs are too strong to change.
Whenever we face conflicts of thoughts among our fellows, we speak the same words but meanings are different from everyone’s different point of view. For example, a person thinks his/her partner must say ‘sorry’ on some event whereas the counterpart thinks ‘sorry’ is for guilt feelings and he/she is not feeling like that. So both are justifying their meaning of ‘sorry’ from their own perspective. And both parties are right in using the word of ‘sorry’ for their specific purpose and need in particular time.
Sometimes our problems base on the interpretation of our ‘words’. For example one cannot speak ‘sorry’ casually and thinks that it is not worth saying ‘sorry’ to anyone. Here he/she needs to change his interpretation of the word ‘sorry’. He/she must understand that the word ‘sorry’ could be used often to eliminate misunderstanding and to increase respect between colleagues and friends.
For a therapist it is very important to understand their client’s interpretation of words otherwise he/she will not be able to fully help them out. For solving problems of contradictory beliefs, some new meanings can be given to specific beliefs and some old beliefs can be discussed in a critical manner to create a new environment of the belief in one’s mind. Some of us carry very negative beliefs that need to be addressed in the light of positivity. To some extent cognitive therapy is basically based upon such facts and address issues related to belief interpretations in a systematic way.
Although beliefs are hard to change, but they can be dealt with caution and care to save someone’s life in time. It is therapist’s duty to find out which meaning of which belief is creating conflict in the mind of the client. And it is more important to know how to fix it with possible quick ways –adding something new or subtracting something old in a professional manner.
Like professional therapists, ordinary people can also analyze their problems in the light of beliefs. They need to understand the root cause belief that need to modify to get rid of the blind circle of thoughts. They need to work on that and it will be less time consuming and productive way to feel better if diagnosed properly and in time.
Thanks
Mona Aeysha, PhD, is an Educational and Developmental Psychologist, have been working as a Teacher, Counselor and Researcher in several institutes of China, Pakistan and Cambodia. Her major areas of interest are: self –esteem, self-concept, conceptual psychology, belief psychology, self psychology, preferential psychology, cultural psychology and women psychology.
You are always welcome to contact her via email if you have any query in this regard.
Thanks
Dr Mona