You are always at choice. Even in the way you feel. No matter what happens to you, you can adjust the way you feel about it. Even if it's something you wish did not happen, and "negatively" effects you, you always have the choice to look at the event in another light.
In my experience with my group programs, I've marveled at women as the awareness of how what they perceived as "failures" in their past, were actually points of growth. Every time you "fail" - or do not receive the outcome you desire (thank you, Annette Saldana!), you are learning. Life is a teacher, and there are certain people and events in our lives we attract to teach us lessons.
The question is, are you paying attention? Are you choosing to swim, or are you sinking into the rabbit hole of anxiety, worry, or sadness. It is always your choice.
I like to use the example of being late for an appointment. If you are in a taxi, and there is a lot of traffic, what good does it do to worry about being late? Is worrying making the taxi fly over the traffic? Is worry going to get you to your appointment on time? No, worry is only going to create a cascade of stress and anxiety hormones that will make your appointment less productive and less enjoyable. Your choice is how you look at it.
How many of us like to admit to being a victim at some point in our lives? Most of us have fallen prey to this inner demon! Some of us spend most of our days there. However, there comes a time when the blinders come off - you realize what you are doing, and that it's time to change... time to swim, if you will. Again, your choice.
Staying in victimhood is really rather self-indulgent! It is a habit, and one that almost feels good, because it is understandable to us; it follows our habitual responses and makes us more comfortable. (Pema Chodron calls it "scratching the itch" of the habit. We just need to resist it!)
Sometimes, there is also a wish for someone to save us, to make us feel more valued, less alone. But the truth is, until we learn to save ourselves, and pick up our own life raft, we will not attract the kinds of people into our life who will support us, and buoy us up! We'll attract other people who want/need saving.
Lastly, look at the choices you are making in your life. What makes you "tank" and what makes you swim? Are you indulging in unproductive habits? Are you feeling too lazy to go outside when you know that would make you feel better? Look at the people you hang out with. Are they positive, high-vibrating people? When you surround yourself with like-minded, positive thinking individuals, you will feel buoyed up by being around them. (This is different than wanting someone to save you. This is choosing not to participate in negativity that brings you down.) You have a choice as to who you associate with (for the most part!), what you do on a daily basis - and how you feel about it.
Do you feel sorry for yourself? Do you get angry at the people around you and blame them for your lot in life? Do you hate your job but do nothing to change it? I'm not saying it's always going to be easy - in fact, often it is quite difficult to change these habits. But once you do, you will sail into a more loving, happy life.
So, take the blinders off, put your sunglasses on, and happy sailing!
Teresa M. Goetz is a Transformational and Spiritual Coach, Acupuncturist and Chinese Herbalist, who has spent her career helping women realize their potential at all stages of life. Her work has paralleled her own personal experiences and includes specialized work in all women's major life stages, including pregnancy, child birth, parenthood/ mothering, partnership/ marriage, divorce, and middle life.
Teri gets enormous satisfaction from watching women grow into who they truly are meant to be. She creates and holds a safe space for her clients so that they may turn personal crises, like divorce, into defining moments to transform their lives. She helps women achieve clarity and confidence, and then breathe fresh air into their futures.
Teri speaks and writes about women's issues and health, works with clients one-on-one and offers workshops for women.
She is the mother of 2 daughters, step mother to a son and daughter, and married to a wonderful man!