Have you been in a stable relationship/marriage for quite some time now? In that case chances are you’ve experienced those relationship ruts when you seem too familiar and same old to each other with nothing new to offer. A long and steady relationship often puts us into an everyday rhythm which often becomes tedious and mundane. Here are six proven ways which my husband and I frequently use to make sure we don’t fall into that trap.
Sometime back when I landed back in Mumbai after a vacation at home with my parents, my husband took me totally off my feet by receiving me at the airport (the poor thing had to take half a day off for this). This was entirely unplanned and I couldn’t have hoped for a better “welcome back” gift! Putting in efforts to make him/her feel special – even in small ways – can work like magic to rekindle the element of surprise and excitement in your relationship.
Have you forgotten those“I’m sorry” and “I miss you” ecards you used to send to him/her every few days in the initial heady days of your relationship? And the sweet “You’re my everything”s and “You’re so beautiful”s beeping on your mobile phone every three and half minutes? Don’t feel stupid to bring them all back. “Puppy love” or whatever – childlike enthusiasm in your relationship can go a long way and rekindling the excitement.
Fix up a date with each other. Over-the-top as it may sound, nothing compares with those flutters of excitement and anticipation which used to fill your heart as you waited for him/her on your first few dates. Bring that back – it’s ok to be over-the-top and childish, as long as it helps re-ignite the charms and the novelty. Just make sure you keep topics like household (and other) chores and work completely off limits in those dates.
There are some special qualities in them which attracted you to them in the first place, right? Don’t miss any opportunity of praising your partner whenever you see sparks of those qualities in him/her in your everyday life. A tiny sign of genuine appreciation makes each of us feel special. You need to affirm to each other regularly that you still value each other as individuals, as much as you did when you first fell in love.
Cultivating a hobby together, or taking up a little secret joint project brings a couple close to each other like nothing else, as this gives them a reason to bond which is more than just themselves. Working on our website and blog Love in India – which is India’s first dedicated relationships and marriage blog – has helped like anything in bringing me and my husband even closer than we were before.
Find common topics to discuss, debate and engage each other in. Sweet nothings can’t keep the meaningful conversation going between the two of you much beyond the first year of your relationship. So actively find common topics of interest which would connect the two of you. My husband and I debate (and fight tooth and nail) about anything and everything (From politics to Mumbai to Facebook!) all the time, and you won’t believe how spicy that is to our relationship. ;)
If you want many more ways of engaging with your partner, along with a lot of other practical, radical and fun relationship tips, do drop in at my cyber home Love in India or find us on Facebook. Bye for today! J
For the last 5 years Sulagna Dasgupta has been sharing her life lessons with the online community through blogging about relationships and personal development. Her relationships and marriage blog, www.loveinindia.co.in is India's first dedicated blog on the subject - with the mission to facilitate more open thinking about this topic in India in the long run. Everything that she shares here is something that she’s learnt in her own life, through her own relationships. Connect with Sulagna on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/letstalkrelationships to stay in touch.