Do you ever have these out-of-body experiences, when you are doing something that you enjoy very much, and then you just relax and your mind goes to places and thinks about things that are SO far away from the real world, that you wish to stay there forever? Such utopias come to you when you feel either very good or very bad. Reminds me a bit about that speech Morpheus gave Neo about the real world and the dream world. Which pill would you choose?
Only now I begin to understand that there is a real choice in our real lives between the blue and the red pill. Only we don't choose between the real and the dream world, but rather between our current lives and the ones that we wish to have. It may seem stupid, but in my opinion, if you can imagine yourself in another place, doing something else, than the thing that you do now, that means that you are not happy. Or perhaps you are not doing what you are really suppose to be doing.
In ancient times people said that they got these visions from the gods, about what they are suppose to do. I don't know what they meant by this, but perhaps those were the same things that every person dreams about? Here I need to warn you - as far as I can see, people have been brainwashed into wanting things that they hardly need, things that will not make them happy or successful, and yet those that everyone seems to want. Big house, huge TV, red sports car, stunning wife or muscular and rich husband and all of this while living on a jet plane, in Hawai. I have to ask you here - am I the only one out here, that doesn't want either of these things?
I grew up in a completely normal family, with no lack of money, but not too much, with a good neighbors, great school, everything was good. But I guess somewhere down the road things got messed up, and I grew up into a person, that spends half his day in an office and the other at home, sometimes goes to meet with friends, and occasionally - gets out of the city and goes somewhere in the wilderness. And I love it.
Not that I'm a loner. Its just that I prefer to do shit on my own.That way there is nobody else to blame if I fail, and there is also a way to evaluate my own skills. Anything that i do alone - if I succeed, I know that I can do it, and if I fail - I know that that's what I need to learn. Simple. And simple life is what I want. If I would return to the original statement - that simple life has much serenity in it - then I wish just that. I wish to live in the woods, or on a field, or on a mountain. I want to just live there, getting water from the nearby river, food from animals that live there, perhaps grow my own crops.
Here's the bummer - following my own logic, I know that in order to be what I want I must stop doing all the things I do now, and just go and live my life the way above! Sounds quite simple, at first, but it's not. I keep having this bad feeling that... I don't know how to describe it, it's like you know that something very bad is going to happen if you do this, or that it is inappropriate in every way. I don't know what it is, but something within me stops me from doing this step. I hope i'm not the only one. What is it? Is if fear, or the programming, which has been given to me all my life? Am I a sheep, or just a cowardly dog?
I'm an extravagant lady, with a great name. I'm not as cold as it says – in fact I rather enjoy life, people and all the troubles that come with that. I like art, or should I say – I like ways for people to express themselves. I write, I read and I listen a lot. I have to – since I compensate with a lot of talking. I work in a cleaning services company, as a maid, and have a side business of my own.