When The Man In Your Life Has Behaviors You Hate, What Should You Do About It?

Why do some relationships last a lifetime and others fail because of problems? You just let the problem go on and it will eventually go away by itself right? WRONG. The answer is that some people realize that a problem exists and rather than hope against hope that it will go away by itself, they get relationship help and advice from trained professionals.

The first questions that need to be asked are; what kind of problems exist? And how many? 5, 10, 20? We asked credentialed relationship experts to identify the critical problems they see based on their counseling experience and educational training. We asked them to list the problems women have with men. We “narrowed” it down and found out there are 50 universal problems that women have with men, problems they hate. They range from actual behaviors (Swearing in public) to problems with communication (He always goes silent when I need him to talk), or just plain bad habits (Cracking jokes about my family). The problems if not addressed, will cause the relationship to end. Here are some examples taken from the new ebook “50 Things Women Hate About Men; And What Men Can Do About It”:

“NON-EMOTIONAL”
“NOT WANTING TO COMMIT”
“WOMEN DO NOT LIKE MEN WHO ARE SELF-FOCUSED”
“SPORTS FOCUSED”
“WANTS TO BE WAITED ON”
“RUDE DUDE”
“THE UBIQUITOUS ROVING EYE”
“LEAVES ME SEXUALLY UNFULFILLED”

Professional Relationship help
Once the woman has identified which behaviors are causing the conflict, what should she do next? She has to introduce the problem to the man and he must accept responsibility for it. From this point on, there needs to be a 3rd party involved, i.e., relationship therapist or counselors. They will likely discuss the ramifications his behavior is having on her and suggest a strategy that will eventually eliminate the problem.

Denying there’s a relationship problem
If he doesn’t think the problem is important enough to fix it, then there’s only two courses of action;) Leave him or 2) Live with it. Hopefully there is enough history that the man will feel some obligation or desire to rectify the problem rather than throwing the relationship away. Admitting there is a problem is the healthiest thing a person can do. If you have the flu, but don’t admit it, chances are it will get worse. Healthy people get help. Others suffer.

This isn’t the blame game
Getting to the bottom of a problem where one person feels offended and talks about it with that person is not the same as the blame game. If the relationship has a problem, it needs to be solved. Establishing blame doesn’t do anyone any good. Instead focus your energy on isolating the problem and getting a strategy to deal with it. It doesn’t matter whose fault it is. Try not to be argumentative about it. Discuss how his behavior makes you feel about him. Then work with your partner to solve the problem instead of taking sides and turning it into a you versus him situation. 

Hard work
Hearing about solutions and executing them are two different things. Even if the man admits to the problem and agrees that the solution from the therapist would work, doesn’t guarantee the results will be long lasting. Your solution has to become a habit, an everyday awareness. You’ll be fighting the routine demons and inadvertently going into backslide mode. When that happens, remember the ramifications the problem has on her, and the relationship, and the end result if you don’t fix it. The good news is that once you start to get traction and your relationship improves, good things follow. If your relationship is mutually beneficial and respectful, it’s going to affect the other parts of your life. Make it a game changer and listen to your partner. She wants you to fix it because other than this behavior she hates, she wants to keep the relationship going.