Relationships can sometimes be more than you bargained for. Sure, there are many blissful couples out there, but there are also miserable couples out there who feel stuck, sad, and aren’t sure what to do. Relationship dynamics are so varied. Sometimes it’s hard to know why some work out and others crumble. Relationship experts have come to a consensus on some red flags that you can be on the lookout for if you want a relationship or are currently in one.
Red Flag #1: “You are my everything! I can’t live without you!”
It sounds flattering, but in reality the mentality behind it can lead to an unhealthy or toxic relationship. At the very core of this type of thinking is a codependency or neediness that is certainly a red flag. If someone needs you desperately to feel happy or to function in life, they have some issues that need worked out.
If you’ve ever had an extremely needy or insecure partner, you are aware of how repelling this behavior can be. A person should not be needed in order to feel complete. That is not true love. It is dependency like a baby depends on its parents for care. Psychologically speaking, it usually denotes that the person has some unresolved wounds from childhood that need to be tended to with a good therapist. Boyfriends and girlfriends can’t heal those wounds.
If you feel like you have this mentality; that you can’t live without your partner, take some time to really think about that. You can live without your partner and they should not be your everything. Confront your insecurity and codependency and take strides toward a healthy mindset and relationship.
Red Flag #2: “We are one!”
If a person thinks that having a partner means they are one and should be like each other and do everything together, they are setting themselves up for disappointment and an unhealthy or toxic relationship. Each partner can have a life outside of the other; in fact, experts advise that. Each partner should also have friends independent of each other. This is hard for some partners to accept, but it is healthy for the relationship.
If you feel like you and your partner should be enmeshed as one, you’re likely struggling with codependency issues. What this means is that you look to your partner for fulfillment; for him or her to fill the void within you. In doing so, you set yourself up for failure and your relationship up for struggles. You are not one; you are two, but you can share so many good things together!
Red Flag #3: “You are all I need!”
If your partner says “You’re all I need” then it is a red flag. This smells like codependency and it will create havoc in a relationship, especially if the other partner is secure and independent. It is wonderful to be able to meet some of each other’s emotional or physical needs, but the thought that your partner is ALL you need sets you up for disappointment.
A person needs more than one person to meet all of his or her needs in life, such as friends and family members. Trying to get all of your needs met by one person is like trying to ingest all of your vitamins through a taco. The taco doesn’t have them all and your partner can’t meet all of your needs.
I understand that falling in love may make you feel amazing and you might want to sing songs that have these red flag statements as lyrics, and that’s alright. Sing your heart out, but if you are off balance and negative thoughts and behaviors are occurring, consider getting to the bottom of your codependency issues. There is help for codependency.
Dominica Applegate, M.A., is an Author, Speaker and Coach specializing in codependency and personal development. She offers an eCourse entitled “Overcoming Codependency” and holds workshops regularly. She has a deep passion for discovering and sharing authentic spiritual truth that transforms people from the inside out. She is dedicated to the sacred art of self-discovery, creative expression, and adding value to humanity. Feel free to connect with her at www.dominicaapplegate.com and receive her free eBook, Recycle Pain: It Has a Purpose.