Self-esteem is a way of thinking, feeling, and acting that implies you accept, respect, trust and believe in yourself. Self-esteem means that you have confidence that you can fulfill your deepest personal needs, aspirations and goals. It comes from within where you see yourself as a worthy, secure person who feels capable and able to handle whatever challenges may arise. Your self-esteem is developed at a very early age and it was your parents and caregivers who were the primary influence for how you developed your self-esteem. As an adult, however, it is up to you how long you continue to hold onto those childhood tapes in your mind vs how much you work to improve and reject those negative influences and distorted beliefs. Self-esteem is seen as being elastic, in that it can be increased or decreased at any time in your life, depending on your own life experiences, how you perceive these experiences, what you learn from them and how it affects what you tell yourself.
The Self-esteem Quiz
1. Do you self-sabotage i.e. make great plans but don’t follow through because you are afraid you may fail?
2. When things go wrong are you able to take it in stride or do you blame yourself?
3. Do you find yourself calling yourself names like “dummy” or stupid” when you make mistakes?
4 Do you frequently doubt yourself?
5. Do you really believe that no matter what, you are worthwhile and deserving?
6 Do you take good care of yourself and your body
7. Do you feel less intelligent compared to others
8. Do you like your own company? Can you be alone without being lonely?
9. Do you feel that you handle most situations well?
10. If you could change your life with someone else, would you do it
11. Do you take credit for your accomplishments or do you minimize them?
12. Are there times when you feel worthless?
13. Are you often afraid of looking silly or sounding foolish?
14. Do you focus more on making other people happy, then taking care of yourself?
15. Is it close to impossible for you to take risks?
Self-esteem is largely affected by what you tell yourself. The average person thinks 80,000 thoughts per day. Most of those thoughts are negative and most of them are the same thoughts they had yesterday and last year. What you say to yourself does affect your self-esteem whether you are conscious of these thoughts or not. How you rate yourself on the quiz is also an indication of how many negative vs. positive thoughts you are thinking on a daily basis. You might want to ask yourself what is it costing you to stay at this level? The only thing you know for sure is that self-esteem cannot improve as long as these negative thoughts are predominant in your mind.
Montreal psychotherapist, Rhonda Rabow, has been involved in couple and individual therapy in the Montreal area for over twenty years. One of her specialties is offering short-term counselling with long-term results. Rhonda has a solution-focused approach. Her Montreal therapy sessions do more than offer compassion, empathy and active listening. Rhonda is a strong advocate for empowering her clients. To help them achieve this goal, she offers concrete tools and strategies that enable her clients to better manage their lives and cope with any further challenges they may experience in their lives.