Many prominent self-help books have advised people with low self-esteem to recite affirmations like, “I am beautiful,” or “I am worthy of love.” However, I grew suspicious of these affirmations and throughout the years observed that they didn’t work for my one-on-one clients or my workshop participants for two basic reasons. First, no matter how often a person recites an affirmation, if one doesn’t believe the words he or she is saying, the statement does not work – in fact, the affirmation sounds comical. Second, an affirmation can make one feel even worse about his pessimistic thoughts. The latest research from psychologists, Joanne V. Wood, John W. Lee and Elaine Perunovic as published in their article, "Positive Self-Statements: Power for some, peril for others," in Psychological Science claims that affirmations can backfire.
Here’s why affirmations can be harmful to the people who need them most. When people with high self-esteem (who don’t need to say them) recite affirmations, their mood could be slightly bolstered. However, for people with low self-esteem, affirmations usually make them feel worse! In this study, psychologists allowed participants to note negative self-thoughts along with positive self-thoughts. They found that low self-esteem participants felt better when they were allowed to have negative thoughts than when they were told to focus their attention only on a positive thought.
The psychologists explained that reciting an affirmation is similar to hearing overly positive praise. For example, an unreasonably positive statement about oneself, such as "I am a success," can actually trigger a contradictory thought in someone with low self-esteem. “Such negative thoughts can overwhelm the positive thoughts. And, if people are instructed to focus exclusively on positive thoughts, they may find negative thoughts to be especially discouraging.”
If affirmations don’t work, what’s left for you to try to bolster your self-worth?
Carve out time for reflection. Reflect on your unique ability, your hidden strength, or in other words the big idea about who you really are or who you want to be. Try your intuition, but if you don’t trust it yet, go the opposite route and take some time to think about your intellectual capital. See it in black and white. Make a list of what you love to do. Make another list of what you are good at doing – where do they intersect? Now, go ahead and harness your power.
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