Free Yourself From The Emotional Bully

Did you ever have someone bully you when you were a school-aged child or as an adult? Maybe they put you down because of your looks, your family, where you lived, what you wore or your grades, causing you to feel badly about yourself. There could have been different ways you handled them; from getting back at them in various creative ways or getting away from them somehow.

Unfortunately there are those bullies that hurt us on such a deep emotional level that they linger today in our memory. You may still be able to see their faces and want to give them a piece of your mind, tell them to hit the road or just punch them out! The reason the memory of them and what they did to you is so fresh to this day, is because there is still an Emotional Connection you maintain with them that is held on a deep level.

Emotional Connections form from both good and not-so-good experiences in your past. The not-so-good ones cause you to struggle with issues around money, work, health, relationships and love. There are many past experiences that reverberate into the present and unless you can identify them and let them go, they will continue to mess-up your life. Your present stressful situations trigger the Emotional Bully you internalized many years ago. Although that bully may not actively be bullying you now, the impact they made on you caused you to internalize the fear, anger and helplessness that developed within you back then, causing you to form a belief about yourself and the world.

An example of this is when your boss critiques your work and points out an area that you need to improve upon. You may feel backed up against a wall and angry with his or her assessment “just because” without any concrete evidence to counter them. Or you may humbly agree with them and think of other ways you may have failed. Either reaction reveals your inner Emotional Bully. Although your boss may not be aggressively putting you down or trying to put you in what they deem as “your place,” you still put yourself there. Family members also have a strong impact on creating and stimulating your Inner Emotional Bully, making you feel like a puppet when they pull on your emotional strings. Unconsciously, your belief about yourself may be along the lines of “I am inadequate” and she or he is “better than me.” The more this happens in your life through similar situations, the more emotional abuse you inflict on yourself.

You may verbally express your feelings or do so physically by throwing something around, yelling or harming others, slamming doors or kicking something. The more introverted you are, the more you may silently beat yourself up inside by recalling and creating other times or ways you believe you are inferior. Both approaches to the Emotional Bully inside you reflect the beliefs about yourself you unconsciously accepted a long time ago when the Bullies hurt you and although you may “blow off steam,” neither are constructive nor do they break the cycle of struggle caused by your Emotional Connection to the past.

There is a simple way to begin to let your Inner Bully out of your life for good so she or he no longer pulls at you emotionally. To begin to sever the Emotional Connection to your Inner Emotional Bully, you need to first become aware of yours and then face her or him. An easy way to do this is to tune-into your emotions when you start to feel angry, sad, and anxious. Then allow yourself to be open to understanding the feelings you are experiencing. This activity allows you to become an Emotional Tracker which helps you to get closer to locating the source of how your Inner Bully developed. Emotional Tracking will lead you to uncover the real bully from your past. Then you need to face the belief about yourself that is reinforcing the feelings you have about yourself. Many of my clients say they ultimately feel inadequate, worthless or “a loser.” These self-descriptions surfaced as beliefs they learned from the past hurtful experiences that developed out of fear or anger from that situation, and became part of who they are and block what they are capable of having. These beliefs are not true and can be changed.

There is always a story behind your emotions; sometimes one, other times many stories with the same theme of low or no self-worth. Thoughts or images may come to your awareness when you feel badly about yourself if you are open to know them. You may be surprised to recall a time in your past when a family member or bully was being mean to you and you felt insignificant. Decide right then and there to disagree with the self-defeating belief. Say to yourself “Cancel,” “I Have Had Enough of This!!”or envision a STOP sign. Then state the opposite of the negative belief you have about yourself. For instance, when you feel stressed or anxious, you can take note of all the physical sensations you experience: blood pressure going up, headache, neck or back muscles tighten, heart rate increases, concentration is decreased and you feel out of control. Then set a boundary with the emotion and the images that may come up by saying one of the above statements.

Change the belief about yourself you have lived with for so long from “I am worthless” to “I Am Worthy of Happiness!” While standing, raise your arms and take in a deep breath, bring your arms up above your head and then on the exhale, say “I Am Worthy of Happiness!” LOUD and STRONG over and over again, bringing your arms down to your sides after each statement, then up again, repeating this action to validate who you truly are until you feel better about yourself.

The Worth and Happiness statement you repeat encapsulates all that you want and need for your life to be in the areas of money, work, health, relationships and love. It establishes the foundation of your life; if you are happy, stress, anxiety, struggle, emptiness, sadness and feeling lost cannot exist. By knowing your inner worth and feeling happy about yourself as you are, all areas of your life will reflect your new inner state and will change for the better!

In Peace,
Allison Love