***The Process of Overcoming Adultery and Infidelity

Coming to terms with adultery or infidelity, understanding how it happened, and taking the necessary steps to recover is not easy – especially when your emotional pain is fresh, and your wounds are so deep.  It hurts … and it’s sickening to think that the person you’ve loved so much would do this to you.  However, there is hope … because you can fully recover and find happiness again, by going through a time-proven process which will put the pain, and the heartache into your past … and better position you in the future for a better relationship, one without fear of adultery nor infidelity.

The first step in the recovery process is knowing with certainty that you have, in fact, been the victim of infidelity.   That may sound dumb – but I’ve worked with hundreds of people who basically have jumped to a conclusion without having anything substantial to prove that they were cheated on.  There are actually different forms of proof – each of which is fairly long and detailed to go through, but briefly the types of proof can be eyewitness, circumstantial, and/or solid proof.  Whatever proof you have, it should ideally be convincing and irrefutable.  Sometimes affairs are “mental”, and not physical – do those types of affairs really count?

The second step in a recovery from infidelity process involves you (the victim) understanding WHY this infidelity occurred.  Infidelity never happens in a vacuum – there are always multiple reasons for it … and you really have to go through a process to understand each of the reasons, otherwise you may very well find yourself in a similar situation again in the future.  There are CONTRIBUTING FACTORS which could include absence of quality sex, choosing the wrong partner, failure to avoid risky situations and scenarios.  There are also PARTNER ISSUES that alone or in concert can produce an infidelity – such as midlife crisis, a sexual addiction, a sense of entitlement, etc.  AND – there can be yet additional CAUSES OF AFFAIRS … such as situational affairs, exploratory affairs, and deliberate affairs.   Each of these contributing factors, partner issues, and causes of affairs is extremely complicated … I’m really just introducing the ideas about them to you here.

The third step in an infidelity recover process involves ACCEPTANCE on the part of the victim of ten different “truths” that I’ve discovered are necessary in order to move yourself forward.  Probably the most important such truth to always keep in mind is KNOW THAT BETTER DAYS ARE AHEAD OF YOU.  No – it won’t seem like it right now, or even for a while … but I guarantee you that things are getting better for you each and every day.  Better days are ahead of you – and knowing that with absolute certainty is comforting.  Another “truth” that you should always keep in mind is – YOU CANNOT CHANGE SOMEONE ELSE’S FEELINGS … and that means no matter how hard you may want your husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend to come to their senses, and come back to you, it just cannot happen … because you are only in charge of yourself.  This truth is often hard to keep in mind – especially if you’ve been with someone for many, many years … you think you know that person, and maybe you did … but everything has changed now, and the sooner you ACCEPT this new reality, the sooner you will be able to move forward with your life.  Two of the ten TRUTHS you must accept and recognize have only been introduced here – there are actually eight more such truths which you should be aware of, too.  All of these truths plus much more detail on everything can be found in my book, which you can learn about at the end of this article.

The final step in recovering from infidelity involves taking a number of deliberate ACTIONS which together will result in a best possible outcome for you.   Some of these actions are appropriate for married couples who are divorcing, while others apply to both married couples and also to boyfriend/girlfriend couples who have had an infidelity take place.  The first of two such actions I will tell you about are extremely important – HOPE FOR THE BEST, PREPARE FOR THE WORST.   This means keep yourself as optimistic as possible, but always anticipate worst-case and plan for it accordingly.   You never want to be caught off-guard by your ex … who has already deeply wronged you once.  Remember the old saying, “Fool me once, shame on you … fool me twice, shame on me.”?   Well, this ACTION is a reminder to you not to get fooled a second time!  No matter what “it” is, always be ready for the unexpected, and have a mental plan in place to deal with it before it happens.  I realize what I’m telling you is very broad – but it is true, and it is so important!   The second ACTION to take immediately is related – FOCUS ON MAKING ONE DECISION AT A TIME.  That may sound overly simple, but many people who have been the victim of infidelity simply freeze … like a deer in the headlights.  The best thing you can do is make a list of decisions you need to make, write them down, and start executing them one by one … maybe one each week, or every two weeks … so that everything that needs to get done DOES GET DONE.

Happiness is on the horizon – it is one hundred percent doable and possible … even though today you might feel otherwise.  You can and will love someone again.  You can and will enjoy your life, and appreciate who you are with – but you should ideally first go through the entire recovery process that I take you through in my e-book entitled, “How to Successfully Recover from Having Been Cheated On” … which you can purchase via my website, www.been-cheated-on.com.   If you go through my entire recommended process, you are far more likely to be able to avoid some of the mistakes, behaviors, and partners that got you into your situation today.  Learn from the past, deal with the present, and enhance your future – that’s what my infidelity recovery process is all about.