What Chip are you Wearing?

You are probably aware of the expression, “walking around with a chip on your shoulder”. There are some people who wear that chip like a badge of honor. For them, it is easy to hold onto all the pain and anger they have experienced in their lives. That proverbial “chip” is a constant reminder that helps people cope with their frustration and permits them to run away from any potential emotional attachments. In a sense, it has become their bargaining tool with which they can reason. In some cases, an individual may just stop communicating with others altogether out of fear of getting “burned” again. It is easier (for them) to clam up and walk away from a connection than having to put forth the extra effort.

Do you know Angry Joe? Then there are those who have a loud, pronounced chip on their shoulders. They are the ones who are mad at the world, infuriated because they are working in a job they really do not like doing. Or perhaps they are just angry because they have not achieved the goals they wanted to achieve in life. You can easily spot “Angry Joe” because he is the guy with a glowing chip on his shoulder. He wants to pick arguments because he thinks he knows everything and wants it his way or the highway. No one wants to be around him because he can recoil like a snake and lash out for no apparent reason. He always has a terrible attitude about work, his coworkers and life in general. He may even appear somewhat paranoid, fearful of what others might be saying about him. In truth, he is angry at himself; angry that he has not acquired the degree of stature that he feels he deserves. Do you know Joe?

Have you seen Debbie Despair? Some are painfully angry because they may not have had the best childhood or perhaps they had a regrettable life experience. While most human beings experience pain, anger and grief in life, not all are able to cope with these experiences and have been unable to successfully rebound. You may have met “Debbie Despair” once or twice in your life. She holds onto grief as if she is in constant mourning. No matter how much she does accomplish in life, it is never good enough in her eyes. She is always apologetic; even accepting blame for others’ mistakes. She can be quite accommodating when it comes to helping others but she transforms everyone else’s hardships into her own. If someone mentions the loss of a loved one, Debbie is right there to harp about every single person or thing she has lost in her own life. Like Angry Joe, not a lot of people want to be around Debbie because she is a talking, walking gloom and doom cloud. Have you seen Debbie Despair?

How about Eddie Overachiever? There are some folks who carry a subtle chip on their shoulders like Eddie. Eddie Overachiever is the individual who works like an ox. In many cases, he is masking his own painful emotions by putting work before family and friends. He knows that as long as he is focused on the meticulous details of his career that he does not have to own up to his own personal, private matters. While he may receive numerous awards and recognition for his outstanding performance from work management, those who work with him suffer because nothing they do can or will be ever as good as Eddie’s work. And to make matters worse, Eddie likes making others feel less competent than himself. But it does not stop behind the office doors. When he does manage to make it home, he can only discuss work matters and does not take the time to be a friend or a family man. His spouse feels neglected, his kids feel like a third wheel and his coworkers feel berated. Is there an Eddie Overachiever in your life?

Do you know Dianna Drama? If you have not yet encountered Dianna Drama, you will recognize her by her constant need to create little fires everywhere she goes. The chip on her shoulder is so large that it becomes superior to her. Oftentimes, individuals who embellish themselves on “inquiring news” are those who feel the extreme need to sensationalize every shred of information they receive. In doing so, it gives them a perception of higher importance and perceived acceptance. Truthfully, these individuals are often victims of life disappointments and because of this discontent, want to create an alternative reality where they become the pivotal point of the story. In order to satisfy their egos and to feel emotionally gratified, they exaggerate situations to impress those around them. Those around these individuals ultimately learn the truth, and people like Dianna Drama wind up losing the respect they so desire. Do you know Dianna Drama?

In all of the aforementioned cases, there is an obvious emotional trigger that has sparked each psychosomatic makeup. Do you share any of these traits? How you feel about yourself or the life events that have lead to your identity today is something that you must first accept in order to go forward in life. The next step is to forgive yourself and free yourself from the pain that you have been harboring. It is just as important to understand that the behavior that you are exhibiting may be negatively impacting yourself and those around you. Among more traditional counseling programs, there are a number of alternative emotional wellness tools that can help you overcome your past and move forward into the present and the future. If you are unsure of what path you would like to pursue, please connect with me so I can help you learn how to forgive yourself and to find happiness in all aspects of your life.