The softer side of business bullying: 3 steps to empower yourself

In the course of your day, how often do you feel emotionally insecure? Are you aware that this feeling holds you back from experiencing the happiness and success you desire in life? In fact, such insecurities can make us feel intimidated or motivate us to become intimidating to, or bully-like with others, and lessen our power to attract more ideal clients and revenues into our business and work. This offensive behavior is often a cover-up for the fear one is feeling.

Intimidators seek to control us by making us fearful of them and self-doubting. By accusing, intimidating, shouting at, and threatening us (perhaps even through physical violence), they make us afraid to approach, control, and request anything from them. While in this defensive state, intimidators believe two things... that: (1) We are always wrong and (2) They -- the execution squad, judge, jury or police -- have the right to punish us if we do not shape up. (Sounds familiar? If you were you raised with the reward-punishment approach to being disciplined, it will.) In these roles, the perpetrator gains a temporary sense of freedom and Ego boost, while feeling entitled to the This is who I am... I do not need to change or improve myself, as I am perfect and others are wrong stance.

De-Bully Your Business (or Work): 3 powerful steps

Step 1 – Acknowledge your fear. Remember, this fear has existed since you were a child. From an early age, you learned to perceive a shouting parent as a threat and equated it to punishment and subsequent emotional or physical pain. Your security and survival were dependent on this threatening individual. If it felt belittling, you concluded that you were bad or wrong, and therefore unworthy of your parent’s love and respect. Even as adults, our subconscious continues to react to accusations or shouting by feeling fearful and doubtful. It is a classic case of the Great Dane towering over and intimidating the small Chiwawa. As a result, you may still feel uncomfortable around, or resist authority figures.

Step 2 – Think of a bully you have attracted into your life. Now, ask yourself these five powerful questions:
1. Did you in any way control, reject, or suppress the intimidator?
2. Did you ignore the intimidator’s needs?
3. Did you hurt this person and subsequently need to forgive yourself for it?
4. Did you feel guilty about something and therefore attract this bullying behavior?
5. Do you sometimes intimidate others? If yes, where, with whom, and in which situations? For instance, when I was younger, I trained for tennis competitions by practicing with the ‘boys’. Now, when I train in the women’s weight room, I occasionally (especially if I am tired or moody) come across as territorial, tough, and unapproachable. I know this because when I am in that frame of mind, I expect fellow female exercisers to abide by weight training room etiquette. The result? I get the respect I was demanding through body language. I am highly aware of this, and therefore make a conscious effort to then engage with my fellow exercisers in a warm, accepting manner. This then gives them the sign that I am non-threatening and approachable.

What is the lesson you are meant to learn here about intimidation... that you are bigger than this behavior? ... that it is not worth stooping to that level?

Step 3 – Confront Your Bully. As humans, we are energetically and symbolically connected to everyone and everything on this planet Earth. It is like an Energetic Internet: invisible but existent. In that regard, we all function both physically and symbolically. When you first meet someone – in a lineup or cocktail party, for example – you automatically look for their symbolic coordinates and may remark to yourself: “That person is a flirt" (or class clown or bully). According to Intuitive Astrologer Robert Ohotto, when something is in your blood (as in Femme Fatale, Joker or Bully-Coward, respectively), it is in your soul and your soul’s contract. It is part of your destiny to work with and learn from these archetypes – and use these to make your contribution to the world.

Did you know that our physical bodies can bully our spirits with countless reasons why we should avoid overwhelming challenges? According to Medical Intuitive Caroline Myss, beneath a bully is a coward trying to prevent others from knowing his true identity. From a symbolic-archetype perspective, the coward within needs to stand up to being bullied by his own inner fears. After all, the spirit is always stronger than the body. From a literal-physical perspective, you can confront bullies by communicating with them using loving assertiveness and strength, as in: With the way you act, you may get what you want from me, but you also lose my love and respect at that time. Or I have decided to be more honest with you. I will express my needs and values, even when you intimidate or shout at me. Would you be willing to support me as I make this shift?

Allow me to shed a bigger, brighter light on this issue: Instead of evaluating whether you bully or are bullied by others, adopt a more expansive and more powerful perspective. Ask yourself the following question: On my life path, have I confronted one experience and relationship after another that has appeared to have more power than what I have?

Has this recurring scenario ultimately caused you to ask yourself: Will I stand up to this challenge? Interestingly, people (specifically their souls) are often called to take on bullies for the benefit of others. I invite you to gain inner peace and faith knowing that: Your spirit pursues you; you do not pursue your spirit. This prompts the question: Are you responding to your spirit at the expense or the benefit of yourself and others? Remember that responding and not responding each qualify as responses. According to Thomas Edison, “Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration.” In that regard, here is a related motivational quote for you: "The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not a bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor, but without folly."

Remember this practical tip about bullying: If you use your own inner security and self-worth, you can perceive beyond the bully’s threats, as well as past your fear and self-doubt. You will then be able to respond with loving assertiveness and strength. Now can you feel the love (*smile*)?