Dear Dr. Romance:
When I was 20, I met a man of 37. For many reasons, including what I thought was love, moved in with him 3 weeks later. After getting engaged to my partner, I discovered he crossdressed. I cried, but he said he did it cuz he was alone for so long before he met me. Flash forward to pregnancy, when I found dvd after dvd of preop transexual porn. Imagine my horror. I've been seperated from this man since my child was young, yet he still won't admit to his actions (despite my reading an adultfriendfinder profile that states: I love trannies! Looking for a c/d or t/v to worship...please note replies with naked pics given special consideration, put my home city, my birth year, his birth date and month, and his phone email. What gives? Unless he can be honest, I feel I can't forgive him. Not to be with, but to be around at least! Why won't he discuss this? What can I do to move on? I have physically (moved), but not emotionally or physically (sexually). Please help me. I wish this didn't hurt so much.
Dear Reader:
This is more common than you might think. Your friend has sexual identity confusion with resulting orientation confusion. This means he doesn't understand himself at all, and right now he's just coping, and doesn't want to deal with it. He's going to go through a crisis at some point.
You have to move on. This is a very good lesson in why you shouldn't make relationship
commitments too quickly. You're right not to trust him, he is not capable of telling the truth right
now. He probably is unwilling to tell the truth even to himself. His gender confusion makes him
a bad possibility for any kind of healthy relationship. It usually takes years to sort out gender identity, and until he does that, he can't be a reliable partner.
You need to think deeply about your definition of relationships and to do that, therapy would be very helpful. "Guidelines for Finding and Using Therapy Wisely" will help you find the counseling you need. "Surviving Loss and Thriving Again" and "How to Write a Love Letter" will help you grieve and move on. When you're ready to date again The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again will give you a more balanced picture of what relationships are about.
For low-cost counseling, find me at LoveForever.com
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.
Dr. Tessina, is CRO (Chief Romance Officer) for LoveForever.com, a website designed to strengthen relationships and guide couples through the various stages of their relationship with personalized tips, courses, and online couples counseling. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance” Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, and such TV shows as “Oprah”, “Larry King Live” and ABC News.