Dear Dr. Romance:
My last romantic relationship (that I thought was mutual) ended because she said one day out of the blue, "I don't love you any more." I think she never really did, but rather I was her crutch after her last
breakup. I loved her wholly, with all my everything, however she did not do the same. That, of course, hurt.
As such, since I am the type to put my everything into what I do, I am somewhat leery of another romance -- what if it end the same way? Also, the people in whom I have shown interest rarely return my feelings -- double whammy working against me. I suppose that is not uncommon, though. I am not rushing into anything with the wrong person. The wrong person is someone who is a whim. I want a relationship, not a sex partner. Because of that, I fear I may continue to be single in the relationship status for quite some time.
I do work on myself, though! Since I started Weight Watchers almost three years ago I have lost over 60 pounds! I also am "attacking" other aspects, social, physical, and other that could stand to be improved.
I may be single, but I am not lonely for most of the time. I have friends that are there for me when I need them (in person, on the phone, in email, etc.) Best of all -- I am happy!
Dear Reader:
I think you need to trust yourself more about relationships. You said "She never really did" (love you) so I think you may have had some clues, but you didn't want to see them. Now that you have some distance from this relationship, why not take another look at what was going on? If you do, I think you'll see some clues you missed before, and that will tell you what to be aware of in the next relationship. I can see you are willing to learn, and I believe if you learn from your past relationship, your next one will always be better. Keep doing what you're doing, becoming your best self, and it will work. "10 Reasons For Not Falling in Love" will help you explore your reluctance to have another relationship. "Couples Can Cooperate for Success" and "When Love is Kind: Mutuality in Relationships" show you how to create a mutually satisfying relationship.
Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences is all about learning how to understand your partner. Its information, exercises and examples will help you and a partner communicate successfully.
For low-cost counseling, find me at LoveForever.com
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.
Dr. Tessina, is CRO (Chief Romance Officer) for LoveForever.com, a website designed to strengthen relationships and guide couples through the various stages of their relationship with personalized tips, courses, and online couples counseling. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance” Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, and such TV shows as “Oprah”, “Larry King Live” and ABC News.