I challenge all my couples in my practice to create a higher standard for what is possible in their relationship.
I think all of us believe that we are capable or deserve a great and fulfilling relationship. Yet if you take a good hard look around, you will find examples of a lot of mediocre and damaged relationships.
Of course there are exceptions. But that is not what I have seen.
Creating a high standard and model for our relationships is only a recent idea and so there is residue left over from the days when relationships were operating more out of roles, convenience and old matriarchal beliefs.
We need a blue print that allows us to heal from the generational patterns that are handed down from generation to generation.
We need a new vision. And we need to actualize it.
We need to have a higher value system for relationships. Competition and self-interest dominate our media channels and continue to influence our beliefs.
This sets us up for being relationally challenged in couple hood.
The invitation for change is written on the wall and as long as we talk about a direction for change without taking steps to get there it remains an ideal.
This is a practice. Everything to do with personal development, awareness and empowerment is a practice. Intimacy is a practice.
I have experimented with different strategies to help couples become good at being in a state of relational joy and here are my top five mantra’s to shift your relationship.
The five Mantra’s for the best relationship of your life
1.I am a leader
Leading your way out of conflict is the only way you get out of it. One person needs to stay steadfast and ideally if you have two partners who take turns. Actively leading is not getting hooked or triggered but staying in a position of empathy, compassion and curiosity.
2.I chose you
In conflict we lose touch with our freedom. Moving to a state of mind that you feel connected to your partner and centered on the choice that you energetically chose your partner is a powerful technique of inviting freedom back into your relationship.
3.I see you
The art of suspending yourself and being able to see clearly the needs, pain and feelings of your partner will help you dramatically evolve to being a more reassuring, supportive and loving partner.
4.I love who I am
I always say a good relationship starts with the foundation of having an abundance of healthy self-esteem. Not in a narcissistic or self-loathing way but with a genuine self-caring way. If I am a good place with who I am then I have a much better chance at doing three mantras above with greater ease.
5.I Honor You
We are an appreciative deficient society. If you model an appreciative and thankful attitude towards your partner and they do the same for you we will have two partners who ultimately will be in a state of exaggerated reverence for one other.
Visit Ken Fierheller’s website at http://www.kenscoachingandtherapy.com for more info on Ken’s work.
Ken Fierheller is a relationship expert who specializes in helping couples reconnect after damaging conflict.
He has a private practice in Calgary Alberta where he actively works with couples, individuals and runs workshops to improve their relationships.
Ken uses Gestalt, Mindfulness and blend of coaching/therapy to motivate his clients back into greater connection.