3 Ways Facebook is Killing Your Marriage

Originally published here: http://www.nurturingmarriage.org/the-little-things/3-ways-facebook-is-ki...

Facebook is great. It is something that most of us use almost every day. However, it shouldn't be surprising to hear that Facebook has been mentioned in many a divorce case.

Watch out for these 3 ways Facebook could be killing your marriage to make sure that Facebook doesn't change your marital status!

1) Taking time away from your spouse

It's no secret that Facebook can be a great time waster. Sure, it's fun scrolling through endless pages of status updates from people you haven't seen in years (or, if your news feed is anything like mine, from people you can't remember how you know!). What could be more entertaining than reading about Jessie's seven-year-old's loose tooth, looking at what Joe ordered for dinner, or watching mind-numbing "hilarious" videos!?

Kidding aside, Facebook can become quite addicting and can consume inordinate amounts of time. Before you know it, you realize you've wasted your entire evening staring at a screen INSTEAD of at your gorgeous spouse. So, before you waste another minute, log out of Facebook and log in to your spouse (After you "Like" and share this article, of course!).

2) Keeping track of old "friends"

Obviously, one of the best parts about Facebook is being able to stay connected with friends and family. It's easy to check a status update and instantly know what's going on with your cousin Mike - or anyone else for that matter. No doubt, it's a great way to find out about things you feel like you should have already known about (Say what? My little brother's engaged?! Some things you should find out about in person before finding out on Facebook, right?). And who doesn't appreciate those birthday reminders?!

Unfortunately, this ability to stay "in-the-know" (or should I say "stalk"?) with anyone and everyone also has its downsides. Have you ever had that urge to check out what your high school sweetheart is doing now? Have you ever wondered what she/he looks like twenty-five years later? All too often, that temptation to just "see what they're up to" is the beginning of a slippery slope.

Let's be honest, people tend to overemphasize their virtues, and the good in their life, on Facebook. When's the last time you saw someone post a picture of themselves first thing in the morning when they looked like a mess? Seeing the too-good-to-be-true side of your old "special friends," doesn't often benefit your marriage. It can feed comparison and even lead to thoughts of "what could have been." That's certainly not a recipe for a happy and healthy marriage.

3) Reconnecting and developing relationships with old "friends" or other members of the opposite sex

One of my favorite things about Facebook is the ability to connect with people from around the world. For example, I lived in Sydney, Australia, for a couple of years and have since lost contact with people whom I consider to be great friends. Facebook makes it easy to find and reconnect with them - to build upon friendships that would otherwise be lost.

As great as this ability to reconnect is, it can present a serious danger to your marriage. Too many people - male and female - are seeking emotional connection, validation, and understanding from "friends," online rather than from their spouse! If they're feeling unfulfilled in their marriage, they look elsewhere to have their needs met, rather than turning to the person who matters most. Unfortunately, seemingly innocent chats online can quickly lead to emotional infidelity, and turn into in-person meetings, dates, and more.

Ask yourself this question, "What is my motivation in messaging this person?" If that motivation has anything to do with physical attraction, emotional involvement, getting back at your spouse, etc. then perhaps you should reconsider your use of Facebook. The fact is, even if your motives are innocent, the ability to message, and "like", and even "poke" someone of the opposite sex, can send a message that may easily be misinterpreted and damage your relationship with your spouse.

So remember, as wonderful as Facebook is, it's not as wonderful as your spouse. Watching out for these three dangerous trends will help you avoid a lot of contention, heartache, and regret. And also remember that following Nurturing Marriage on Facebook will only strengthen your marriage and fill you with all sorts of happy feelings! :)