7+1 Tips for Working Moms

Tip #1 – Accept the imperfect!

Many Moms (especially after the first child) want to do everything perfect. They want to do a perfect job at work, with the child, at home and with their husband. They just want to be perfect everywhere and with everyone. But what happens is that once they take some extra time to do some household works, they take away time from the kid, right? So they start feeling guilty. They immediately start feeling... imperfect.

Solution: accept the imperfect. You can never be 100% perfect. Every day is a new day, there are unexpected things occurring, you can never make your 100% perfect. Just accept this and throw away the guilt you are feeling. Accept yourself the way you are and for what you are. Do you feel more enlightened now?

Tip #2 – Release your beliefs that don’t serve you!

Often, you are the one who is standing in your way. Hmmm??? Yes, you heard it right. We women tend to nurture so many beliefs according to which we live our lives that actually prove to be more obstacles than helping hands. “I have to take care of this”. “I can’t ask my husband to do this”. “Only I can arrange this.” Are you sure? Do you HAVE to take care of that? CANNOT you ask your husband? Only YOU can arrange that, no one else? If you challenge these beliefs the way just I did, you can sometimes easily see that you were nurturing completely false (maybe even ridiculous) beliefs. So once these beliefs are challenged and released, a solution seems to be appearing that you might have never thought of: maybe you don’t need to do that at all, maybe your husband is also capable of arranging it, or someone else...

Tip #3 – Start noticing the positives!

Our brain is programmed in such a way that we tend to notice things that are negative: a task is not done, the floor is dirty, the lunch is spoilt and then on top of that even the kid is tiring today, my husband is moaning over his work and then you switch on the TV and you only see disasters in the news. Sounds familiar? Sometimes days might pass by thinking there is nothing worthy happening. Or not? Then how about these ones: do you have a warm bed? How does your morning coffee / tea taste? What feeling does it give you to see your kids waking up and cuddling you? How was your shower or bath today? Do you feel grateful that you have something to eat? Isn’t it tasty that juicy apple you are eating? And did you notice, even the sun is shining today? Everything is so vivid green outside? And the twitter of the birds?

You see, the positives are there, you just need to notice them. If you feel you are getting into the whirl of negatives, sit down and make a list of all nice things you experienced today. If nothing comes to your mind, just sit there and look around you, the words will come. You might want to do this exercise every evening before going to bed. It not only puts you into a positive mood but it will also help to get you a good sleep.

Tip #4 – The magic pill is you!

We women often read articles or books in the hope of finding the magic pill. I want to have a more relaxed, more balanced life, so I just need to find the “balanced life for working Moms” pill, take it and everything will be sorted out. Have you found this pill yet? Bad news: you will NOT. Why? Because you are searching for it at the wrong place! Look inside, not outside. There is no general recipe, you have to find what works for you and what gives YOU joy, happiness and fulfilment. So ponder over a few questions, re-connect to yourself: Who are you? What comes naturally for you (either by seeing from your own experience or by feedback from others)? What energizes you? What are your dreams? What is what you would like to achieve?

Once you answered these questions, you found your magic pill.

Tip #5 - It’s your truth, it’s your response!

Do you know that there is no truth on Earth? There are only perceptions. Perception is the angle through which you are viewing something. We all view situations, people and things via our own glasses of perceptions. That is the reason why two people might react so differently in the same situation. Even two kids, just notice if they fall: one will stand up and continue to reach his target, whereas the other will remain seated and will cry and dwell on his hurt leg until gets enough comfort from Mom. If there would be one truth, they would both react the same way. Now, if you can choose the perception, it means you can also choose your response to a situation. Let’s say you are in the car, on your way to the school to pick up your kid but you got into a terrible traffic jam. Nothing is moving forward. You feel warmer and warmer, you can hardly breathe, you are even rambling, blaming the cause of the traffic jam, you are just thinking of the lost time and the consequences of getting late. Sounds familiar? One question: in what way will getting upset help you getting out of the traffic jam? Probably in no way. Because your response to the situation of getting upset, will not change the situation. It will change only you, because you will be upset. So is it worth at the end of the day? How about choosing another attitude? Being patient? Switching on the radio and listening to good music? Calling up a friend you haven’t talked to for long, while waiting? Using the time to plan things you need to do that week? Or just seeing your kids’ lovely smile in front of you?

Bottomline is, that there is no situation that forces you to be like this or like that. You choose that. So why not choose an empowering attitude? The decision is yours.

Tip #6 – Priority is ... YOU!

I want you to do an exercise here. What would happen in your family if you would be depressed, had no energy and no joy in anything? How would that impact each member of your family? And how would that impact your larger family? And your friends? And your working environment? Probably you answered that it would have a negative impact, it would be more difficult for them to cope, to re-energize you, to sort out problems and situations etc. You see how mood is contagious? And just imagine now the other extreme: that you are in top shape, brightening like a star, funny, dynamic. what would be the impact of this to your family? You see, everything is you. Whether you are feeling well or less well in your skin, it will have an impact on your family. Therefore it is your responsibility to give yourself a special treatment and care for you. Find time for things that contribute to your wellness – could be a warm bath or getting a massage or going for a shopping tour. Don’t feel guilty about it, this is not egoism! And remember, if you feel great, your family will as well.

Tip #7 – Focus!

Working Moms often feel in a trap: they must do 100% while at work, and 100% while at home. We talked about it earlier that it is impossible to perform perfectly well, but other than that, we want to maximize our efficiency. How? What happens if you are worried too much about your children or household tasks while sitting at work? Or if you spend some of your work time daydreaming? And vice versa – what happens if you keep thinking of your unfinished tasks instead of providing quality time to your kids? You see, this will not lead to an optimal balance. So try to focus on your activity of here and now (or there and then) to make sure you can accomplish the work you have on time. So work at work and be a Mom at home!

+1 Tip – Find a family friendly work!

Often we have real difficulties in getting our work and family responsibilities under the same hat. So if the above tips do not help, have a serious thought whether you are at the right work or right company. Because let’s be honest, there are companies and jobs where it is not seen with enthusiasm if you leave at 5 to pick up the kid or if you turn down a task because you cannot work extra hours. So that is the time to think it over: Do you like your job? And here don’t think with nostalgia on the times you accepted this offer, your priorities might have changed since then. Do you still like your job? If yes, is this the best company you could work for, under current circumstances? If no, start the job search now. Look at information in the press or from friends of where you can find a family friendly company. What if there is none in your area? Is there something you can do in that case? Like making yourself independent and doing what you do naturally well? This might be quite a change to your current career but why not if it works for you beautifully? And don’t look down at professions just because they are freelance, if you are now in a managerial position. You will see, being a freelancer or independent, has also its challenges. There as well you have to be good technically plus to be a good manager, administrator, accountant, salesperson and so on.

So are you working in the best possible environment?