Have you ever been in a relationship with a guy that progressed to the “I love you” stage? That’s the stage of a relationship when things are going well; you are enjoying each other’s company, and you believe the other person feels the same way.
It’s the point where your relationship can become more than just a friendship – it can become a vessel of long-lasting commitments, tender moments, and soulful intimacy. And you can get so excited about the possibilities of a relationship that you hear things that have yet to be said.
Now, I am of the opinion that 50% of relationships could progress to a marriage. All it takes is a willingness to nurture trust and care in a relationship that has marital promise.
But, the relationship gets off course because the man, woman or both make choices that alter the direction of that naturally progressing relationship. One is the assumption that the other has expressed love for you, when indeed they haven’t.
When you believe that someone has said “I love you” when they really haven’t, you begin to expect the other to be there for you way before they’ve decided they want to be there for you. You get hurt, the other person is confused, and the relationship fizzles away into nothingness instead of progressing forward to marriage. It’s sad, because if more people knew what love was, they wouldn’t jump the gun before its time.
For example, here are some phrases that sound like I Love You but really aren’t.
* I love that about you (I admire that aspect of you).
* I think I’m falling for you (I may love you, but I am not sure).
* I could love you forever (There’s a possibility I could love you, but I haven’t made up my mind yet).
* I love being with you (I love the way spending time with you makes me feel).
I mean, it’s hard to ignore what someone says, and some of these phrases do sound like a declaration of love. But they’re not. Saying I love you is sharing with a person that you care for them, want to aid them in life, and want to be responsible for their well-being. It’s a major step, and one that shouldn’t be ignored. If a person loves you, they can become a reliable companion for you.
The difference between I love you and I’m in love with you.
Many times, you’ll hear someone say to another, I love you but I am not in love with you. This usually means “I am motivated to be there for you, but I am not romantically attracted you”. But did you know that people can be in love with you, but not love you?
Being in love with someone is when you admire their body, character, motivations, personality, habits, or abilities. It’s focused on how that person makes you feel when they are around you and how much better the world is when you get to share their company.
But loving someone requires more than that.
Loving someone requires two things. First, you have to believe there is some way you can help that person. You have to see a way you can show care, and the more opportunities you find, the more you believe you can love them. Second, you have to make a decision to be there for them. Even if you see there’s a way you can nurture, protective, encourage, suffer with, or aid a person, you still have to chose to do all those things, regardless of how that decision will affect your own life. Loving someone is less about what the person does you for, and more about what you can do for them.
So, sometimes, when you “think” you hear a person say they love you, they’re really saying they’re in love with you. They like you, they admire you, or they are aroused by you. The focus is on what you do for them, not what they can do for you. It’s beautiful, but it’s not enough to begin sharing love with that person. You have to wait for the “I love you” both in what they say, and what they do.
Here’s how love acts:
Love hurts when you are injured, and rejoices in your gladness.
Love protects you from the world’s harsh realities and comforts you in the deepest places of your soul.
Love bends.
Love forgives you when you make a mistake, over and over again.
Love needs you to have the fullest life possible, and makes sure it helps you experience that life, one day at a time.
Love gives.
Love sees you at your best when you are at your worst.
Love reminds you of your future more than focusing on your past.
Love hopes.
Love is love and nothing else.
When a man and woman say “I love you” it’s because they want the other person to know they have made the decision to be there for them. And they want to hear if the other person feels the same way about them. It’s a turning point of any relationship, because now you can judge the other person’s intentions based on their actions.
Some people will still say I love you, and not mean it. But many people won’t even go there if they don’t mean it, because now they are really on the line. A friendship can go on for months and months, but once you say I love you, it’s either on or off, yes or no, is you is or is you ain’t!
So please, only say “I love you” when you mean it, and give the benefit of the doubt when someone else says it. If they really love you, you’ll know it because they will begin to treat you with love, if they haven’t already. And until they do say so, enjoy the time you share with your friends, and wait on love to blossom in its own time. If love is there for you, you will have it. And if it’s not, love may be waiting for you in the heart of someone else close by.
Christine Pembleton is a Companionship Coach, president of Ready to Be a Wife, author and speaker. She conducts teleseminars, class and workshops for professional women all around the country who want to have successful relationships and eventual marriages.