Balance is a state of equilibrium for which we each strive, not just in relationships but in all aspects of our life.
Envision yourself with your feet planted on a narrow plank atop an oversized ball. With your arms spread out and your legs flexed to spring into action, you attempt to keep your balance. Perhaps, for a few moments at a time, you actually are perfectly still and in balance. The rest of the time, however, you expend a lot of energy wavering back and forth trying to rebalance.
Think of this “balancing act” as a metaphor for life – reaching that elusive balance in life require ongoing effort. Luckily, it is the time spent readjusting your stance that makes up the the multi-colored threads and textured fabric of a rich life.
The term “balance” is often used when discussing relationships, but what does that really mean? Does it mean that relationships should always be 50/50? I think not, for our life is fluid and so must be our relationships. Just as you wavered atop the ball, sometimes relationships are 60/40 or 70/30, and, in extreme instances, they can even be 90/10 or 100/0 --- and each of these scenarios can still be healthy. For example, in the midst of a personal crisis, you reasonably could expect a partner to be totally supportive, thus, shifting the balance heavily to one side – and that’s good thing!
Couples also need to learn that one person can’t be in charge all the time, and, just because you’re not in charge, it doesn’t mean you are giving up your power. Sometimes it is just nice to be taken care of, and just as pleasant to turn the tables and take care of your partner. This constant “transfer of power” is what keeps the balance in a relationship.
If you are presently not in a relationship and are considering entering the dating arena, keep in mind that inner balance, or striving to be the best possible version of yourself, is a necessary component to having a healthy experience.
It is important to remember that you must be a “whole” person before entering into a relationship, meaning that you must take responsibility for the circumstances of your life and not look for someone else to “fix” what you consider wrong. And while a partner certainly may inspire you to work towards a greater purpose or lend support to you in times of need, no one else can “complete” you. Most importantly, you must love yourself before you can begin to love another.
It is when two distinct individuals come together, who keep the boundary space between them visible, that a successful relationship can be forged and eventually flourish.
Ellen Gerst is a Grief and Relationship Coach, author and speaker who lends a hand to those in need of support during upheaval in their lives. Her expertise, born from her education and own experience as a young widow, affords her insight into one of life's most trying times. She is the author of "Love After Loss: Writing The Rest of Your Story", which is a blueprint on how the reader can redesign his/her life after the loss of a mate due to death, divorce, or break-up. Connect with her at http://www.LNGerst.com or http://www.FindingLoveAfterLoss.com and on Facebook at http://bit.ly/cxpiZ0, where she give relationship tips every day.