Today I was reminded of my own anger while driving.I don't get angry that easily or that often. Luckily I know what tools work for me when I start noticing anger wanting to show it's ugly face. Like I've told many clients, it's called Anger Management, not Anger Cure. This is an important ... Views: 14
I'm reasonably confident in saying that there's not a person on this planet who has not felt unfairly judged at some point. While we may feel justified in imposing verdicts on one another, when we are on the receiving end the feeling can be quite hurtful. It is not uncommon to react with anger, ... Views: 15
There is a over abundance of books, articles, and blogs written on the subject of gratitude but did you know that being grateful is actually an antidote to anger?
Gratitude is a conscious state of appreciation, the ability to feel good in the midst of difficulties and disappointments, and ... Views: 22
The trouble with passive-aggression is that both the giver and the receiver often have no idea what’s really going on. In other words, the person who’s passive-aggressive (P-A) may know he hates conflict, may know he’s feeling a little angry and may know he’s covering it up. But he doesn’t ... Views: 44
At best, their behavior is dishonest. At worst, it’s abusive. But you may not have even noticed it. That’s because a passive-aggressive person can be so subtle you may not realize their supposed joke was really a hostile remark. Or their procrastination at getting something you need done is ... Views: 33
Several years ago, I had a client whose nine-year old son had anger issues. His doctor diagnosed him with ADD and suggested medication to quell his angry outbursts. "What do you think?" the mother inquired of me. Not an advocate of prescription medications (with the exception of the most extreme ... Views: 38
Conflict: one of the most feared words in the English language and sadly one of the most misunderstood as well. My mission: to bring deeper awareness to this benign term, to remove all preconceived negativity associated with disagreements, and to reinstate it's position of value in our ... Views: 49
When I was a child, my mom always utilized natural methods for healing. Fevers were treated with cold compresses to the forehead, sucking on frozen juice pops, and cool baths. Burns were treated with ice, colds with chicken soup. Rarely was medication given to restore health.
Even when we ... Views: 53
I've been presenting seminars on healing anger for twenty years and it never ceases to amaze me how much misinformation is circulating about one of life's most powerful emotion. I've decided it is time to debunk some of the most common myths. So without further ado, let me begin with...
Myth ... Views: 74
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” – Mark Twain
What was the last thing that made you angry? The bad driver cutting you off? Your kids not picking up their toys? You were passed over for a promotion?
How long ... Views: 81
They all complained about the daily gossip that ran rampant among them. Every one participated in it yet ironically no one could understand why they would be targeted. In the fifteen years I worked at the battered women's shelter, both staff and residents criticize those who engaged in rumors ... Views: 80
Do you enjoy a good fight? I don't but I know some people who do. Regardless of who we are interacting with, differences of opinion, issues , and conflict will arise periodically. Some approach arguments with zest, others with great trepidation, and some avoid them at all costs. There are times ... Views: 110
Divorce - it's a word that makes me cringe every time I hear it. Mine was thirty-two years ago (not of my choosing) and was one of the most painful periods of my life. Two people brought together in love take a sacred vow to love, honor, and cherish one another for eternity. No one ever says, ... Views: 244
No matter where you go in life, you'll find that humans share similar goals: we are all seeking happiness, success, good health, wealth, and love. Some are fortunate to acquired some or all of them. And yet as quickly as we obtain them we can lose them or they can disappoint and hurt us. You ... Views: 144
"Two things define you; your patience when you have nothing, and your attitude when you have everything."
In my article on March 2, 2014 and chapter two in my book Backbone Power The Science of Saying No, I speak about the importance of being able to say No when you mean No. After listening ... Views: 96
Anger and vindictiveness always comes from the belief that one is cheated and their life is unfair. For Eliott Rogers, it seems that the memories that he focused on were of two varieties which, in combination can cause anger and rage.
The first type of memory is one that you are a nice person ... Views: 143
The first verse of the Beatitudes in the Bible says, "Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the Earth." Like many others, I always had difficulty with the term meek. To me, it was synonymous with being weak. And yet nothing could be farther from the truth.
The word meek comes from the ... Views: 126
Resentment is like quicksand…it really sucks! It pulls us in and holds us down, and we become stuck in our own self-imposed suffering. Forgiveness offers freedom from that suffering, but getting to forgiveness can sometimes feel like an arduous odyssey. Our defensive egos hang onto wrongs with ... Views: 170
Do you ever wonder why it's so hard to break a habit? Whether it's biting your fingernails, the way you speak, or your reaction to drivers who cut you off on the highway, old habits die hard. The reason being is that behaviors, when repeated frequently enough, become habitual. We no longer ... Views: 163
"One of my coworkers is so annoying! She's always making personal calls when she's supposed to be working. Then when she can't finish her work she asks me for help!"
Recently, one of my clients (a mechanic) complained about missing tools. "We are all responsible for our own tools. I keep mine ... Views: 113
Each one of my children threw one temper tantrum in their lives. As with all toddlers, overwhelming frustration can lead to a meltdown of epic proportions. I was not the kind of mother who would wait patiently until them calmed down. Not me! I walked right up to them, grabbed their shoulders, ... Views: 141
In 1981, the book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, was released. It chronicled Rabbi Harold Kushner's journey of doubt and fear that arose when his three-year old son was diagnosed with a degenerative disease that would dramatically reduce the length of his life. The following year, my ... Views: 154
I was an instructor at the Learning Annex in NY City for many years. Classes ended at 9 pm and the ride home was a long one. One evening, after teaching an anger management course for three hours, I pulled into my driveway around 11 pm, exhausted and anxious to crawl into bed. I pulled my car ... Views: 142
The U.S. Department of Veterans’ Affairs reports that one in five combat veterans develops Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, either during or shortly after combat. The Mayo Clinic defines PTSD as having three main categories of symptoms: “re-experiencing symptoms,” “avoidance symptoms,” ... Views: 135
Three Exercises To Help You Decide If Hoping Your
Relationship Can Change Is RealHope Or Toxic Hope
These exercises come from the RealHope For Real Couples Course manual.
#1. Take a look at the last six months of this relationship. Fantasize that the next ... Views: 228
Why is it so hard to talk to one another? Unless you're a recluse, it's something we all do every day. Perhaps because I'm a motivational speaker, author, and radio host I can talk ad infinitum. I actually find it enjoyable and relatively easy. Yet there is a significant difference between ... Views: 172
As I entered the room I could feel the tension of the forty-eight individuals seated at the oblong conference tables. I was about to present a workshop to these teachers on managing stress. Conditions for educators across the nation have become increasingly more demanding as states mandate more ... Views: 195
We've all found ourselves in situations where we feel as though we're caught between a rock and a hard place. Faced with making a necessary decision, our choices are less than favorable and all options have potentially serious consequences. Your best friend confides that she's having an affair ... Views: 190
Loosening the grip of negative emotions through play is one of my favorite ways to shift out of misery into happiness. It’s not only fun but it’s healing as well. I’m quoted about this topic in a new book called Radical Remission: Surviving Cancer Against All Odds by Dr. Kelly Turner, which ... Views: 201
I see clients ever week who ask me to teach them how to control their tempers. "I'm not the person to help you with that. Controlling anger can be hazardous to your health and to the safety of those around you." Most often, they stare at me in disbelief. "Controlling anger takes an enormous ... Views: 192
When I counsel people with depression and anxiety, they often say that they don't understand why they feel depressed or anxious. People who have a good job, a good loving family, and enough money get confused over their feelings. Consequentially they don't get any sympathy from their friends or ... Views: 288
I hate sarcasm. It's rude, hurtful, and offensive. Yet I have met many people who insist that it is humorous. "Sarcasm can be funny, " my friend John told me. "I beg to differ", I replied. "There is nothing funny about saying something hurtful to another person." "Yes, but...", he continued, ... Views: 290
You hear it all the time. Someone gets angry and dissatisfied with someone else and the person whom they are upset with is the victim. Here is an important question. Why would someone who is happy and content want to abuse another? It just does not make sense. Let's take some less serious ... Views: 276
People throughout much of the United States will remember the winter of 2013-2014. You have recent memories of shoveling snow, driving through ice, snow, and slush, staying home with the kids when they had a day off, and worrying about the safety of people you know. Those of you who do not live ... Views: 240
Everybody gets angry, even me. Professionally, I've been helping people understand and reduce their anger for twenty years. And in all honesty, I do practice what I preach. I experience far less anger and frustration than I did when I was younger, perhaps some of which is due to age. People ... Views: 169
There's no doubt: anger takes its toll on every facet of our lives. From on the job, to our personal relationships, to our health and overall enjoyment of life, destructive anger can wreak havoc in our daily lives.
On the job it cost businesses over $4.2 billion, yes -billion, a year. ... Views: 216
Perhaps you’ll agree that when something is bothering you, it prevents you from being at peace. In truth, the more we try to figure out “what-to-do” or “what-not-to-do” actually keeps the situation from changing. Take a moment and look at this consideration more carefully. Whatever we are ... Views: 240
Few people I know like to the process of resolving disagreements. In fact, when they hear "conflict" they automatically equate it with fighting. Yet one is not comparable to the other. Conflict is simply two forces in opposition. Fighting is defined with such words as "violent, battle, combat, ... Views: 236
I've been blessed in my life. I've had eighteen dogs, all of whom were sweet and loving. I've never had an aggressive dog with the exception of one - Huggy Bear. Huggy was a black Great Dane that came to us when he was just a pup. Big floppy ears, giant paws, and a single white spot on his chest ... Views: 248
I don’t want or need to change my behavior. This is probably the most common reason for not changing how anger is expressed. No change is likely until the abuser ‘puts down the binoculars and picks up a mirror.’ Often shame is at the core of men and women who are ... Views: 417
Anger Management skills can be helpful for people ranging from the mildly miffed to the violently vengeful. You do not need to be in a physically violent relationship to benefit from understanding and learning about communicating angry and hurt feelings constructively. Secondly, if you are ... Views: 338
Anger Management skills can be helpful for people ranging from the mildly miffed to the violently vengeful. You do not need to be in a physically violent relationship to benefit from understanding and learning about communicating anger and hurt feelings constructively. Secondly, if you are ... Views: 363
Dear Dr. Romance:
I am a 49 year old disabed vet, chest injury in pain 24/7. I am on MAJOR pain pills. Have not had sex with wife since one day I pulled her pants down and found a river of a substance that looked like human ejaculate but smelt like beer. Six months later she said it was ... Views: 300
If you haven’t yet recognized this fact, nothing good comes from being jealous. Jealousy is a deep-rooted emotion in the realm of pride. Jealousy damages relationships. Reasons for being jealous include: thinking we can’t have something… believing we aren’t good enough… lacking confidence ... Views: 360
I've spoken many times about the importance of all feelings, anger included. With every emotion we experience, we have the ability to learn much about ourselves. No feeling is inherently wrong. It's how we choose to express and use them that determines their value.
In The Secret Side of ... Views: 283
I have to admit i'm not a big fan of the continuous christmas carols, crowded shopping centers or the pressures to prepare holiday meals for people. Call me the grinch, but the holiday season for many can be a time of relentless stress and anxiety rather then a festive experience. But a few ... Views: 254
One of my clients complained that her boyfriend had an annoying habit of constantly chewing gum. It drove her crazy! "Aside from that, he's perfect." she exclaimed. "But how do I get him to stop? He knows it bugs me yet he continues to do it. He says he's not doing anything wrong and then ... Views: 319
I enjoy a good robust debate. I find it can be very stimulating and present an opportunity for me to learn something new. In every facet of life, we encounter individuals with whom we have disagreements. Recently, a woman in her forties came into my office seeking suggestions as to how she could ... Views: 310
We all encounter angry people in every walk of life. Some will confront them, others avoid them like the plague. There are times when either approach is acceptable. I do not like drama. However, I am concerned about others when they appear upset. And I am very knowledgeable as to how to help ... Views: 414
It is not uncommon for someone to be told that they should just forgive and forget and simply move on from someone who has wronged them. This can seem to be the most logical thing that one can do; to put it behind them and carry on with their life.
One could be told that they are bigger than ... Views: 384