I've been presenting seminars on healing anger for twenty years and it never ceases to amaze me how much misinformation is circulating about one of life's most powerful emotion. I've decided it is time to debunk some of the most common myths. So without further ado, let me begin with...
Myth ... Views: 12
âAnger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.â â Mark Twain
What was the last thing that made you angry? The bad driver cutting you off? Your kids not picking up their toys? You were passed over for a promotion?
How long ... Views: 32
They all complained about the daily gossip that ran rampant among them. Every one participated in it yet ironically no one could understand why they would be targeted. In the fifteen years I worked at the battered women's shelter, both staff and residents criticize those who engaged in rumors ... Views: 31
Do you enjoy a good fight? I don't but I know some people who do. Regardless of who we are interacting with, differences of opinion, issues , and conflict will arise periodically. Some approach arguments with zest, others with great trepidation, and some avoid them at all costs. There are times ... Views: 52
Divorce - it's a word that makes me cringe every time I hear it. Mine was thirty-two years ago (not of my choosing) and was one of the most painful periods of my life. Two people brought together in love take a sacred vow to love, honor, and cherish one another for eternity. No one ever says, ... Views: 126
Have you been told that you are a passive aggressive person? Is your life being ruined by pent up anger that controls you in ways that elude you? Are you ready to take full control over your life and redefine who you are and how you wish to be in the world?
If so then this will interest ... Views: 66
In several other articles I have pointed out that because of men's socialization patterns many are not only unable to express their emotions they are more seriously also unable to "feel" them.
So how can one express what one doesn't feel? Well simply, you can't!
So how does one kick start ... Views: 85
No matter where you go in life, you'll find that humans share similar goals: we are all seeking happiness, success, good health, wealth, and love. Some are fortunate to acquired some or all of them. And yet as quickly as we obtain them we can lose them or they can disappoint and hurt us. You ... Views: 82
"Two things define you; your patience when you have nothing, and your attitude when you have everything."
In my article on March 2, 2014 and chapter two in my book Backbone Power The Science of Saying No, I speak about the importance of being able to say No when you mean No. After listening ... Views: 56
Anger and vindictiveness always comes from the belief that one is cheated and their life is unfair. For Eliott Rogers, it seems that the memories that he focused on were of two varieties which, in combination can cause anger and rage.
The first type of memory is one that you are a nice person ... Views: 79
The first verse of the Beatitudes in the Bible says, "Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the Earth." Like many others, I always had difficulty with the term meek. To me, it was synonymous with being weak. And yet nothing could be farther from the truth.
The word meek comes from the ... Views: 72
Resentment is like quicksandâ¦it really sucks! It pulls us in and holds us down, and we become stuck in our own self-imposed suffering. Forgiveness offers freedom from that suffering, but getting to forgiveness can sometimes feel like an arduous odyssey. Our defensive egos hang onto wrongs with ... Views: 103
Do you ever wonder why it's so hard to break a habit? Whether it's biting your fingernails, the way you speak, or your reaction to drivers who cut you off on the highway, old habits die hard. The reason being is that behaviors, when repeated frequently enough, become habitual. We no longer ... Views: 110
"One of my coworkers is so annoying! She's always making personal calls when she's supposed to be working. Then when she can't finish her work she asks me for help!"
Recently, one of my clients (a mechanic) complained about missing tools. "We are all responsible for our own tools. I keep mine ... Views: 67
Each one of my children threw one temper tantrum in their lives. As with all toddlers, overwhelming frustration can lead to a meltdown of epic proportions. I was not the kind of mother who would wait patiently until them calmed down. Not me! I walked right up to them, grabbed their shoulders, ... Views: 90
In 1981, the book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, was released. It chronicled Rabbi Harold Kushner's journey of doubt and fear that arose when his three-year old son was diagnosed with a degenerative disease that would dramatically reduce the length of his life. The following year, my ... Views: 103
I was an instructor at the Learning Annex in NY City for many years. Classes ended at 9 pm and the ride home was a long one. One evening, after teaching an anger management course for three hours, I pulled into my driveway around 11 pm, exhausted and anxious to crawl into bed. I pulled my car ... Views: 102
The U.S. Department of Veteransâ Affairs reports that one in five combat veterans develops Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, either during or shortly after combat. The Mayo Clinic defines PTSD as having three main categories of symptoms: âre-experiencing symptoms,â âavoidance symptoms,â ... Views: 96
Three Exercises To Help You Decide If Hoping Your
Relationship Can Change Is RealHope Or Toxic Hope
These exercises come from the RealHope For Real Couples Course manual.
#1. Take a look at the last six months of this relationship. Fantasize that the next ... Views: 164
Why is it so hard to talk to one another? Unless you're a recluse, it's something we all do every day. Perhaps because I'm a motivational speaker, author, and radio host I can talk ad infinitum. I actually find it enjoyable and relatively easy. Yet there is a significant difference between ... Views: 124
As I entered the room I could feel the tension of the forty-eight individuals seated at the oblong conference tables. I was about to present a workshop to these teachers on managing stress. Conditions for educators across the nation have become increasingly more demanding as states mandate more ... Views: 148
We've all found ourselves in situations where we feel as though we're caught between a rock and a hard place. Faced with making a necessary decision, our choices are less than favorable and all options have potentially serious consequences. Your best friend confides that she's having an affair ... Views: 152
Loosening the grip of negative emotions through play is one of my favorite ways to shift out of misery into happiness. Itâs not only fun but itâs healing as well. Iâm quoted about this topic in a new book called Radical Remission: Surviving Cancer Against All Odds by Dr. Kelly Turner, which ... Views: 149
I see clients ever week who ask me to teach them how to control their tempers. "I'm not the person to help you with that. Controlling anger can be hazardous to your health and to the safety of those around you." Most often, they stare at me in disbelief. "Controlling anger takes an enormous ... Views: 151
When I counsel people with depression and anxiety, they often say that they don't understand why they feel depressed or anxious. People who have a good job, a good loving family, and enough money get confused over their feelings. Consequentially they don't get any sympathy from their friends or ... Views: 218
I hate sarcasm. It's rude, hurtful, and offensive. Yet I have met many people who insist that it is humorous. "Sarcasm can be funny, " my friend John told me. "I beg to differ", I replied. "There is nothing funny about saying something hurtful to another person." "Yes, but...", he continued, ... Views: 223
You hear it all the time. Someone gets angry and dissatisfied with someone else and the person whom they are upset with is the victim. Here is an important question. Why would someone who is happy and content want to abuse another? It just does not make sense. Let's take some less serious ... Views: 205
People throughout much of the United States will remember the winter of 2013-2014. You have recent memories of shoveling snow, driving through ice, snow, and slush, staying home with the kids when they had a day off, and worrying about the safety of people you know. Those of you who do not live ... Views: 176
Everybody gets angry, even me. Professionally, I've been helping people understand and reduce their anger for twenty years. And in all honesty, I do practice what I preach. I experience far less anger and frustration than I did when I was younger, perhaps some of which is due to age. People ... Views: 133
There's no doubt: anger takes its toll on every facet of our lives. From on the job, to our personal relationships, to our health and overall enjoyment of life, destructive anger can wreak havoc in our daily lives.
On the job it cost businesses over $4.2 billion, yes -billion, a year. ... Views: 171
Perhaps youâll agree that when something is bothering you, it prevents you from being at peace. In truth, the more we try to figure out âwhat-to-doâ or âwhat-not-to-doâ actually keeps the situation from changing. Take a moment and look at this consideration more carefully. Whatever we are ... Views: 201
Few people I know like to the process of resolving disagreements. In fact, when they hear "conflict" they automatically equate it with fighting. Yet one is not comparable to the other. Conflict is simply two forces in opposition. Fighting is defined with such words as "violent, battle, combat, ... Views: 190
I've been blessed in my life. I've had eighteen dogs, all of whom were sweet and loving. I've never had an aggressive dog with the exception of one - Huggy Bear. Huggy was a black Great Dane that came to us when he was just a pup. Big floppy ears, giant paws, and a single white spot on his chest ... Views: 207
I donât want or need to change my behavior. This is probably the most common reason for not changing how anger is expressed. No change is likely until the abuser âputs down the binoculars and picks up a mirror.â Often shame is at the core of men and women who are ... Views: 342
Anger Management skills can be helpful for people ranging from the mildly miffed to the violently vengeful. You do not need to be in a physically violent relationship to benefit from understanding and learning about communicating angry and hurt feelings constructively. Secondly, if you are ... Views: 285
Anger Management skills can be helpful for people ranging from the mildly miffed to the violently vengeful. You do not need to be in a physically violent relationship to benefit from understanding and learning about communicating anger and hurt feelings constructively. Secondly, if you are ... Views: 304
Dear Dr. Romance:
I am a 49 year old disabed vet, chest injury in pain 24/7. I am on MAJOR pain pills. Have not had sex with wife since one day I pulled her pants down and found a river of a substance that looked like human ejaculate but smelt like beer. Six months later she said it was ... Views: 253
If you havenât yet recognized this fact, nothing good comes from being jealous. Jealousy is a deep-rooted emotion in the realm of pride. Jealousy damages relationships. Reasons for being jealous include: thinking we canât have somethingâ¦ believing we arenât good enoughâ¦ lacking confidence ... Views: 306
I've spoken many times about the importance of all feelings, anger included. With every emotion we experience, we have the ability to learn much about ourselves. No feeling is inherently wrong. It's how we choose to express and use them that determines their value.
In The Secret Side of ... Views: 250
Do you feel like a slave to your personality? Do you feel like there is an invisible negative force that has possessed you and has taken over the helm of your life? Do you feel frustrated, annoyed, even angry that you feel so helpless to do anything about this unconscious entity? Do you wish ... Views: 220
I have to admit i'm not a big fan of the continuous christmas carols, crowded shopping centers or the pressures to prepare holiday meals for people. Call me the grinch, but the holiday season for many can be a time of relentless stress and anxiety rather then a festive experience. But a few ... Views: 227
One of my clients complained that her boyfriend had an annoying habit of constantly chewing gum. It drove her crazy! "Aside from that, he's perfect." she exclaimed. "But how do I get him to stop? He knows it bugs me yet he continues to do it. He says he's not doing anything wrong and then ... Views: 269
I enjoy a good robust debate. I find it can be very stimulating and present an opportunity for me to learn something new. In every facet of life, we encounter individuals with whom we have disagreements. Recently, a woman in her forties came into my office seeking suggestions as to how she could ... Views: 272
We all encounter angry people in every walk of life. Some will confront them, others avoid them like the plague. There are times when either approach is acceptable. I do not like drama. However, I am concerned about others when they appear upset. And I am very knowledgeable as to how to help ... Views: 366
It is not uncommon for someone to be told that they should just forgive and forget and simply move on from someone who has wronged them. This can seem to be the most logical thing that one can do; to put it behind them and carry on with their life.
One could be told that they are bigger than ... Views: 342
Any serious scientist will be familiar with the assertion that stress causes immune-compromise. A recent study by researchers at Harvard School of Public Health has finally put this long-held knowledge into perspective, deciphering that those who bottle up their feelings have a cardiovascular ... Views: 161
"The sharpest sword is a word spoken in wrath." (The Buddha).
A little boy, prone to anger, was told by his father, "Every time you're angry, drive a nail in that wooden fence. When you've learned to control your anger, start removing them." Six months later, the boy had removed every nail ... Views: 372
by Dr. Tali Shenfield, Clinical Psychologist
Every parent wants to protect their children, teach them to protect themselves, and help them redirect their own outbursts before they become dangerous and aggressive. We want to know that when our children become angry, we can discipline them ... Views: 363
I need to say straight off the bat stress is a killer and I don't intend to be a victim anytime soon! I am a sixty years old, hard working single mum of five adult children, eight grandchildren plus a great granddaughter. I still have two sons at home all of which means I do know and understand ... Views: 314
Road rage is one of the leading causes of accidents and deaths in this country. According to a report by CNN, an estimated 28,000 people each year are killed due to aggressive drivers. It's easy to see how cities such as Miami, NY, Boston, LA, and Washington DC (the cities with the most ... Views: 262