As I watched the debates over the last few weeks, I kept wondering, “Who is telling the truth?” Politicians create their persona and tout their opinions on issues based on what image is going to give them the most votes. The same with dating, most men and women go out on dates with the guise that will provide the best opportunity to get a nod from the object of their affection.
Have you ever dated someone who seemed so nice in the beginning and then became a jerk after you slept with him? How about someone who filled your head with empty promises and soon after she “got you” decided she wasn’t ready for commitment? Sounds like the candidates who pledge they will make changes but nothing happens after they get into office. They played a role just to get you to like them. Have you ever done that when dating? Most people do and say what they think will make them more likable whether it is in the area of dating, getting a job, or dealing with family members. The problem is that we are assuming we know what other people really want!
In my early days of dating, I used to pretend I was cool, together and didn’t want a relationship because I thought that seemed more appealing to men. The nice guys stayed away and the womanizers drew to me like a magnet. It wasn’t until I was true to myself that I attracted the love of my life. I remember clearly that I was so fed up with trying to be someone else and just laid it on the line. By stating my genunine intentions and admitting that I wanted marriage and a serious relationship, I easily found suitors that matched the message that I was sending.
Many people ask me to explain the best way to write an ad for the online dating sites and I simply answer, be authentic. If you are trying to get someone to like you through false pretenses, he or she will be able to feel it. Or, you may temporarily capture their attention, but eventually your true colors will emerge and the person may or may not want to stay when they discover the truth. I find it funny that some ads will seem as though the person is being sincere, but he is really just using his fake authenticity as another tactic to attract more responses…just like a politician.
So if you are out to get a lot of “votes” like a politician, you may get more dates but lower your chances of finding a true match. You only need one person (at a time), so why not focus your target on what you really want. Being clear on the type of person you desire and simultaneously being sincere will surely expedite that love to arrive in your life.
Our subconscious is filled with pre-programmed acts that we follow in accordance to how we were trained by the world. To find your true self, you need to let go of those old behaviors and false beliefs that led you to your current single situation and try something knew. The main reason that people pretend is insecurity, they really do not believe that people would really like their real selves. Changing your subconscious beliefs of unworthiness and self-doubt through self-hypnosis can easily increase your confidence level. You need to genuinely like yourself for someone else to want to be with you.
Deep inside there is a knowing of your true self, but you may have been just too afraid to look. As you search for the truth you will find that you are wonderful, amazing and lovable. There is nothing to change except your self-acceptance. As you embrace yourself, you can draw the curtains and show the world who you really are. Your love is waiting to meet the real you.
Debra Berndt, Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, Dating/Relationship Expert, Author, Speaker, Dating Coach and creator of AttractLoveToday.com. Debra is the host of The Hypnotic Dating Show every Monday at 11am MST (10am PT/1pm ET) on the Real Coaching Radio network - replays available at attractlovetoday.com. Her online self-hypnosis store is the fastest growing provider of self-hypnosis products. Debra has appeared internationally on radio and television promoting the power of the subconscious and self-hypnosis to attract true love.
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