What Makes Love and Relationships Last?
By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz
We have been saying for years and our 25 years of marriage research proves it – having a successful loving relationship is simple to understand! Yes, simple! Yet, so many couples are incapable or unwilling to do the simple things required to make their relationship work. And we continue to be amazed at how the pundits, the mainstream media, the book publishers, and the psychologists strive so hard to make love and relationships complicated. Sometimes, they even scoff at the simple ideas – the simple notions that expose the truth about what makes loving relationships work. It seems that they believe relationships and marriage must be complicated – must be difficult to understand. Hard to believe, isn’t it?
We continually remind others that the divorce rate in America is 50%. And the news gets worse. Nearly 60% of those who get remarried get divorced again! And the simple truth is, most all of this suffering and unhappiness could be avoided. Yes, avoided! How you say—by doing the simple things!
Being IN love is easy. But why do so many people “IN love” not do the simple things required to help their relationship stand the test of time? Why do so many couples fail to make it long enough to celebrate Golden Anniversaries?
Frankly, we think some folks get a little snobby about successful relationships. They want these relationships to be complicated. Maybe they think that if loving relationships are made complicated and difficult to understand, we will have to call upon them to sort it all out – to understand it all. Don’t believe it! Truth is, if you do the simple things in your loving relationship, your chances of making it work, of making it last, will be much more probable. You don’t need complicated explanations from the so-called experts. Trust us on that.
Here is your assignment – do the simple things and your relationship will stand the test of time. Ignore the simple things and your loving relationship will fail.
So, what are the simple things? Here are just a few examples:
…Remember birthdays and anniversaries.
…Say “thank you” and “please.”
…Tell your lover “I Love You” each morning and before you go to bed each evening.
…Help clean the table after dinner.
…Guys, put the toilet seat down after going!
…Gals, keep your make-up in a case, you don’t need the entire bathroom counter top.
…Go through the rituals of telling each other to "Be safe" and “Watch for people running stop lights."
…Call if you are going to be late.
…Help carry in the groceries and packages.
…Send your lover an email or call at least once a day to say you are thinking about them.
…Be more unselfish, it isn’t just about you.
…Give your lover at least a dozen hugs a day.
And the list goes on.
The important point is that successful love and relationships are an accumulation of the little things. The little things matter! It isn’t enough to just think about the little things or just talk about the little things. You have to DO the little things every day. That’s what makes love and relationships last!
Now you can order the Doctors' new book entitled , Golden Anniversaries: The Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage at Amazon.com. With 25 years of research experience on successful marriage and their own 41-year marriage, Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz know what makes marriage work. From their hundreds of interviews with happily married couples, representing 15,000 years of marriage, they've discovered the seven pervasive characteristics present in all successful marriages. Their book exposes the secrets for success through these poignant, real life stories.
During their distinguished careers the Doctors have received some 60 local, state, and national awards; published nearly 200 articles and manuscripts; delivered over 1000 speeches, workshops and public presentations; traveled throughout the world; and appeared on radio and television and in the print media. Dr. Charles D. Schmitz is Dean and Professor of Family and Counseling Therapy at the University of Missouri in St. Louis and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz is President of Successful Marriage Reflections, LLC.
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