Boundaries: Why Do Some People Attract People That Lack Boundaries?

There are a number of things that will make it easier to have fulfilling relationships with others, and having boundaries is one of them. The primary reason for this is that they will allow someone to maintain their sense of self.

As when one is unable to do this, it is going to be a challenge for them to have a relationship with another person. It can then be normal for them to lose themselves or for them to come on too strong.

A Common Theme

In today’s world, there are plenty of books available that give relationship advice, and there are also courses to choose from. What this shows is that there are a lot of people who are not happy with what is taking place in their life and that they want it to change.

And while these books and courses can have different descriptions, there is a strong chance that they talk about boundaries. This is not to say that they will use the word, but the guidance they offer is likely to relate to the same thing.

Different Aspects

What this comes down to is that although boundaries are often seen as something that will enable one to say no and to stand their ground; there is so much more to them. Ultimately, they allow one to feel safe in their body and this then makes it possible for them to maintain who they are around others.

Along with this, they stop one from having to carry what belongs to their ancestors, and this means that their life can be an expression of who they are. It could then be said that there is a surface level understanding of what they are and a deeper level understanding.

One Experience

So when one’s relationships are not going as they would like them to go, they could find that it comes down to the fact that other people walk all over them. This could be something they have been aware of for quite some time, or it might have just occurred to them.

One option would be for them to feel like a victim and to blame others, and another option would be for them to take responsibility for what is happening and then to reach out for support. If they take the first option, their life is unlikely to change; but if they take the second option, this won’t be the case.

Ready to Move On

One may have already spent a lot of time feeling like a victim and through experiencing life in this way; they are no longer willing to play this role. This could be a time where they end up reading a book and or they might work with a therapist, for instance.

The Opposite

Having said that, one may also be in a position where they have the tendency to come on too strong, and this means they will be used to walking over others. And once again, this could be something they have just become aware of, or it might have been on their mind for a while.

There is then a strong chance that they are used to making other people feel like victims, and this could cause them to push other people away. While they might appreciate their ability to speak their truth and to stand their ground, for instance, what they won’t appreciate is being smothered by them, among other things.

A New Beginning

One has then got to the point where they are fully aware of how they behaviour is effecting others and they want this to change. The process that they can take in order to change their life can be the same as if they were being walked over.

Self-Reflection

Yet regardless of whether one is in a position where they are being walked over or walking over others, it shows that they have taken the time to reflect on their own behaviour. This is the first step thing that needs to happen for one to get the ball moving, so to speak.

Without this, one will continue to behave in the same way and it won’t be possible for them to change their life. It can then be normal for one to see themselves as being nothing more than an observer of what is taking place in their life.

Another Experience

One can then be around people that walk over them and/or who are unable to stand up for themselves, for instance, and they can wonder what is going on for these people. In fact, that could be an understatement, as one could tell them that they need to change.

This could mean that one believes that they have it all together and that the people in their life are the ones who need to sort themselves out. If this was to happen, it would show that one has taken on a superior position.

The Mirror

Thus, one is not playing a part in what is taking place in their life, and there will then be no reason for them to change. If the people they come into contact with don’t change, one might end up replacing them with others.

But while this might work, there is also the chance that they would end up in the same position, and this is because they are not simply observing life. Yet unless one takes the time to reflect on their own behaviour and what is taking place within them, they are not going to realise this.

A Deeper Look

If one finds that they attract people who are unable to stand up for themselves, it is likely to be a sign that they fear being walked over at a deeper level. There could also be moments in their life when people do walk over them.

Alternatively, if one is used to attracting people that walk over them, it is likely to mean that they fear what would happen if they were to stand their ground. They could also have moments in their life where they walk over others.

Early Experiences

When one experiences life in this way, it can be due to what took place during their childhood years. Perhaps one was abused and/or neglected, and as these experiences were so painful, they would have disconnected from what took place.

If one has the tendency to be walked over by others, it can mean that they are still in touch of how they felt during these years; whereas when one walks over others, it can mean that they have lost touch with how they felt. Either way, these experiences are still defining their life.
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Awareness

When it comes to moving forward, it might be necessary for one to reach out for external support, and this can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group.